I just don’t get it.

2019 04 20

How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no


Prophetic? Applicable again? A message from the past? WATCH THE VIDEO! I dare you!

I just don’t get it. HOW can people be so cruel?
How can they hurt other people and not care?
How can they be so mean?
The composite of all that meanness will taint the culture and bite those mean people back. Don’t they get it?
As an example because of the visibility: Trump is not a nice person. This is not a political post. It is about him as a person even before he was elected. Read his book. Think of multiple divorces. Multiple lawsuits. The contractors and suppliers he stiffed. Does he have ANYONE in his life that can be a nice person without getting used and abused? Bad attitude does not attract good attitude.

I know what it is like when “friends” turn out to not be friends.

But I still keep trying.

I was in Wendys. The guy in line behind me was looking very defeated. Very depressed. Somehow I can sense that. I asked him if he was OK. With downcast eyes he told me his daughter had died. I told him I knew that very well. He began to cry. I gave him a hug. He held on to me. So I held him, right there in the Wendys food order line, as he wept. Everyone behind was so sweet. They patiently waited.

BTW I wasn’t dressed as Billie.

But I was somehow in the right place at the right time.

Only ONE person hugged me when my daughter died. Maybe people think I am strong. I hurt too. But mean people have forced me to learn how to control my outward emotions. Perhaps that is why I can hug strangers in pain.

People confide in me. I don’t know why. Complete strangers.

I was at Rumors. A guy had a long face. I asked him if he was OK. He told me how his family rejected him. I gave him a hug. As Billie. He wept freely on my shoulder. I told him that it isn’t much but I accept him at whatever he wanted to be, had to be. That maybe one day he will give someone a hug. He asked me if I was gay. When I told him I was solidly hetero, he was amazed. That a hetro would be hugging him and accepting him. I told him all I cared was he was kind. That is all I hope for in people.

Be Kind

I was in a club. A woman was sitting next to me. All hunched over and looking lost. I asked her if she was OK. She broke down in tears and reached out. I held her, as Billie, as she wept and told me her story. Her husband provides NO emotional support, NO kindness. She has NO value from him.

How Can People Be So Heartless?

How Can They Be So Cruel?

Women give SO much to their relationship.

Men are SO lucky to be with a woman.

Her description made him sound cruel.

It takes the SAME amount of effort for her husband, every morning, just choose a direction. The amount of effort is no more to the right providing a loving relationship to her. Or left being mean. The same amount of effort. BUT one direction, kindness, has HUGE payback.

This connection to people has been going on my whole adult life. It took some pretty bad things happening to me to make me this way. My inside pain.

I don’t know why people open up to me.

But you know what? It hasn’t cost me a dime. Has only consumed a tiny slice of my time. Maybe I helped someone.

I know what it is to be sad. I know what it is like when a “friend” turns out to be everything BUT a friend.

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“Takin What There Given Cause I’m Workin For A Livin”

Huey Lewis and The News

2019 04 13

I have been working for the last couple of years in a totally completely extremely altogether different type of job than before I found Billie. Two places.

And OMG I am really enjoying myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is, for me, CDing at a whole different level. People are expecting me, as Billie, to accomplish something for them. And I have to do it while enfemme because they only know me as Billie.

Plus I choose to make this dressed as fashionable, classy, and appropriate as I can.

In my other life it is so simple, get up and throw on a work uniform. Maybe run a comb through my hair if I remember. Show up and get the job done. No importance placed on my appearance WHAT SO EVER. The only thing that matters in my other life is if the finished job works or not.

In my Billie life I know I could show up in what is a not much different outfit than that guy’s uniform, just fem. I could just throw something on and maybe comb my hair. But I don’t because there is some level of advantage to showing up looking pretty, looking “well put together”. I get some extra good will or acceptance by looking good or at least looking like I made the effort, showed respect for women and behaving in what would be complimentary to them. Certainly I get more acceptance as a “woman” because I look “well put together” than if I didn’t. With caveats about IF I actually do look good, I am not getting full of myself here. So show some respect for the women I am emulating by doing a classy presentation and they respect me because of it. They tell me so.

Can’t get that appearance advantage in my other life. It is ALL about the finished job, it either works or not.

But OMG women have to be competent AND look good too to take full advantage of or fill the requirements of the beauty curse.

Certain CDers do not get the respect what they are emulating. And people do not respect them. How do I know this? Because those people tell me. I get told this nearly every time I go out.

So now I know how much WORK it is to be “glam”. I put it in quotes because really, I am a fake and I know it.

But for me it is all FUN!

This is where I wanted to be. This is one of my CDer bucket list items. To be Billie doing what would be expected of me as Billie, experiencing the fashion and beauty industry handicaps. The challenges different from a guy.

The temperature extremes.

What I have learned:

Men have it easy.

Women have MUCH cleaner rest rooms.

Such Fun!