More “Why?”

2017 07 30

Photo caption:
Everything but the shoes came from GWs.

 

 

 

I get OUT regularly.  I put a LOT of effort in to my presentation.  I want to blend in, be respectful of women, give the impression at even one glance that I am not doing this as a fetish, not to appear as if I am seeking some kind of sexual thrill.  Not trying to attract any attention.  Sorta like a transperson, just trying to be themselves.  Even though in the strictest sense I am not trans.  But aren’t we are all trans to some extent?  Except maybe a few percent at the extreme cis end of the spectrum.  For them it could only be to the extent of the old “getting in touch with his feminine side” comment heard so many times over millennia.

Photo caption:
Again, all from GWs.  You don’t need to be rich to dress well.

 

 

 

I get asked a lot of questions.  One of the most frequently asked questions is “Why?”  Frequently stated as just one word. If more than one word, phrased as a question asking permission first like “May I ask,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Why?”  Virtually always asked by a woman.  Usually answered by me with “Why not?”.  Sometimes answered by “Have you ever looked in the Men’s Clothing Department?”  Occasionally by me saying something like it is just some goofy fun, even though it is more than that to just about all of us.

The odd thing is that in the nearly five years I have been doing this, maybe once a guy asked Why?  Interestingly enough equaling the exact number of times a guy, a different one, told me that he understood exactly why because he had done it himself.  This is from a guy who did not say he was a CDer, and he likely would have said so under the circumstances.  I do get guys who are deep closet CDers that say they understand, but they are CDers and would be happy to confide, so no surprise there.

 

Anyway these gals were walking from the club that I had just stepped out of for a bit of cool air.  I held out m arm to welcome them in to the photo and they jumped at the chance, all smiles and giggles. So sweet.  Then the one with the black top asked “Why?”.  With a serious look.  This time I told her that I was poking fun at society and it’s conventions.  After all that is a small part of the Why? for me.

But really.  Well I do it because I needed an escape.  I have been doing this for almost five years now.  When I started I was all burned out at work.  I had been working 3000 hours for years.  Been traveling for work 200 days a year for twenty years.  HUGE responsibility.  HUGE risks.  HUGE problems to solve, that was why they paid ne a HUGE wage.  But I was burned out.  I HATED being away from my SO.  Hated the hotels.  But I LOVED the work, the problem solving, the feeling of accomplishment each time I “saved the day” or made a prediction that came true.  But I was getting tired of the sacrifices.  One of my kids is everything you could dream of.  Hard working, frugal, financially conservative, kind, courteous, respectful.  My other kid is all but the last.  And it follows through to her children (my grandchildren) and her husband.  I was at one time very close to them, but the disrespect finally overwhelmed me and I withdrew.  All these things boiled over and the crossdressing had already offered an escape.  An imaginary life where everything could be party time and perfect.  A shrink would have a field day with me over that.  I know it is all a crutch.  It is probably some kind of self medication with some kind of endorphin.  Fortunately it isn’t ruling my life.  It had never taken first place over my life, my SO owns that position.  Always will.  GAWD how I love her!  Just looking at her makes everything seem all right with the world.

So if she is so much, why does CDing help?  I haven’t got that far yet.  Maybe because the creative side of me needs an outlet.  Maybe because the feminine side of me needs an outlet, but if so this is a minor part because I never was cursed with being a man in a woman’s body.  I got off easy, with less transgender genes than others.  And I hold them in high esteem for their bravery!  More likely the WHY is just down to doing something different, creative, breaking some cultural rules, experiencing the world from a totally different perspective.

I rarely go out enfemme with my SO.  When she is with me and I am enfemme, I feel awkward, I miss the kissing and holding, and the easy fun we have together.  I would rather be enguy when with her because I am always kissing her, hugging her, and holding her hand.  I am so grateful to be hers.  But I can tell you this for sure.  When I am with her enguy I never think about CDing.  And when I am enfemme I always think about missing her, except the rare time when she is with me. 

I have a LOT of fun with her six days a week.

I have a lot of fun as Billie one day a week.  And even then I miss my SO.

I am VERY fortunate to be at the CD level that I am at.  VERY fortunate to not be trans.  VERY fortunate to be content with 1/7 instead of 2/7 – 7/7!  Very fortunate that, although not a fetish to me, CDing is still more FUN than NEED.  BUT there is a benefit that may have something to do with the need, and that is I am happier now being a guy because I am so NOT by default, rather I am a guy because I CHOOSE to be a guy.  I say this in this way because I could have the SRS, the hormones, the other life.  But it isn’t in me.  I got lucky and was spared the path the brave ones must take.

As for a definitive and all encompassing WHY?  I am still working on that answer.

Life is……………..
SUCH FUN!
Billie

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at
Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at:
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

WHY?

2017 07 24

 

Picture caption:
I just LOVE yellow!!!  And the flowers!  And the matching hat, shoes!!!  Oh and the LACE and SEQUINED shrug!!!  OMG!
But even better, the photo from behind.  In yellow.  The mysterious beautiful lady.

 

Why do I do it?  Crossdress?  Probably not much more than why a happily married hetro woman would put on something somewhat dressy to go shopping with some gal friends.  It just feels good to look nice.  As in self esteem.

 

Picture caption:
So much more to consider when a woman poses.  So much more to a woman’s pose.  Past the “Is my hem too high?  Is my slip showing?  Does this angle make me look too fat?”

 

 

For me crossdressing:

  • IS NOT IN ANY WAY SEXUAL.
  • IS IN NO WAY INTENDED TO ATTRACT ANY ATTENTION.
  • HAS BEEN CAREFULLY CHOREOGRAPHED TO MAKE ME BE AS INVISIBLE AS POSSIBLE.

Well, anyway, considering that I am at the mall in the midst of a sea of flip flip flops and sweats/shorts/pajamas.

 

Picture caption:
It is a HUGE validation of my ruse to be OUT in public and go unnoticed.

It IS a LOT of work to change appearance in such a dramatic, all encompassing way.  I am creating a new me when I do this.  From childhood I have always been creative, artistic.  So this fits right in with that.  I see it as an ongoing technical experiment.  Making small changes each time to find and adopt a better way.  As small as how long and what angle for the cat eyes.

Picture caption:
And here I am, right OUT on Monroe Center in the very heart of Grand Rapids.  No one notices, if they don’t look too closely.  BLISS!

 

 

It IS to enjoy the colors, fabrics, and the demands the whole outfit places on me.  I can feel a definite change in my gait, my demeanor, even how I drive.  Any aggressiveness is GONE.  Isn’t it enough of a reason to do this that I can escape the aggressive role that society or genetics puts me in?  Isn’t it enough reason that I do this to escape the “in charge” role and let someone else open the door?

Picture caption:
A different outfit, same day, in the main corridor of a big mall.  No one notices.  The other me feels so invisible.

 

 

 

 

I never thought or imagined I was a woman.  Never ever thought about nor was I attracted to a man.  Still am not attracted to men, still don’t think of myself as a woman.  Even when dressed as a woman.

I was blessed with bypassing the anguish most CDers go through from childhood.  I was blessed with never having enough trans in me to feel the self loathing and reject my body.

 

Picture caption:
BELIEVE ME when I say that dressing like this makes me, probably anyone would, feel softer, less aggressive.

 

I believe that there is nothing binary in nature.  As day transitions in to night, night transitions in to day, a full moon transitions in to a sliver of light, so to we humans have a range of trans characteristics.  Some are born with nearly no opposite sex “genes”.  Some have enough that their mind’s gender does not match their body’s gender.

Picture caption:
Posing like a woman.  OMG!  Just look at the different combinations of legs, arms, face, and on and on.  Guys?  Just sort of hang loose OR stand tall.  Feet close together of apart?  That’s it for guys.  More work for a woman but oh so much more FUN!

 

 

I have more transgender in me than zero, but WAY less than a transperson, and a lot less than the CDers who began in childhood.  I feel a great debt to those further along the spectrum than I.  I got the easy.  They got the hard.  Yes it isn’t “Just” CDing to me.  But not by any means as much as just about all the others.

Picture caption:
As an example of the variety of poses for women, look what a bit of foot position and body rotation does.

So I am having fun with this.  It is like exploring another world.  Women’s lives are very different from men’s lives.  I understand that I am sampling a very tiny portion of a woman’s life.  I understand that there is a whole lot of their lives that I can’t experience.  And believe me I am grateful for that!!!!!!!!!!!  I realize that I am experiencing just the party part and missing all the hard parts.  I realize that.  Perhaps that is why I feel it is essential to be respectful of women when I do this.  I feel it is essential to project and behave in a way that shows respect for women.  From the simple sitting with my knees together to the complex by behaving in a classy manner.  Projecting in a respectful to the real.

Picture caption:
I just LOVE floppy hats!  Oh and block colors!  Oh Oh and lacy shrugs!  SPECIALLY whe they are sequined too!  And cute Spectators!  Specially when the go with the dress goes with the hat goes with the shrug!!!  BLISS!!!!

 

 

AND the image we give to the General Public says a LOT about us.  That is obvious and requires no explanation.  Look and/or act like it is about se and that is what people will take with them.  It is bad enough as it is when we dress and act appropriately, “blend in”.  But when we act like it is a fetish or that we are sluts or after attention or flashing everyone, then how will we EVER change their minds – the GPs –  about us?  But even worse, if the GPs see us as those bad things, how will they know that it does not apply to the T in LGBTQ?  When we dress provocatively, when we behave provocatively, when we do the “LOOK AT ME!” thing, we are also taking the T down with us.

And they do NOT deserve that!

I will continue to be a good ambassatrix for the LGBTQ community.  I figure owe them that at least.

Picture caption:
Unless you have done this you have NO idea how much FUN it can be!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Picture caption:
Unless you have done this you have NO IDEA how vulnerable you feel.  Men are bigger, stronger, and more aggressive.  And even if you are not smaller, not weaker, they BELIEVE you are!  The heels, the big opening at the bottom of your clothes, the skin showing, fingernails, soft fabrics, delicate stockings.  All alert you that you need to be CAREFUL!

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at
Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at:
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

SUCH FUN!

Billie

FEM VOICE?

2017 07 05

One of the things I hear CDers and Trans persons worry about is their voice.  Over the last five years I have been OUT in the general public (GP) on an all day enfemme OUTing maybe two hundred times.  Each all day OUTing is from noon (ish) to midnight (ish) or twelve hours.  Twelve times two hundred is 2400 hours OUT there in the General Population.  Where I had to order food, talk to a teller at a bank, to a law enforcement person (for fun and entirely humorous each time BTW),a  sales associate.  And then there are the half hour conversations that happen maybe one out of five OUTings where a GP asks probing but polite questions like am I gay, trans, 24/7, married?

Picture caption:
his was funny!  I asked these two if I could have a picture with them.  Notice their faces.  The City Police Officer (left) was fast, noticing my coordinated outfit right away.  The Sheriff’s Deputy on the right was thinking of citing me for a fashion faux pas.   I was, after all, in a ball gown.  But my shoes matched my purse so he had to let me go!

 

So let’s add this up.  Of the 2400 hours OUT enfemme over the last five years, I spent maybe 30 minutes on average conversing each day of thosee 200 days.  This equals about 100 hours yacking.  Of those 100 hours absolutely NONE were people who didn’t figure out my deception first.  And most were going to sell me something, so they had a vested interest in accepting me to get my money.  Even the cops were having a fun time with it!  Even with my husky fake feminine voice!

Picture caption:
I asked this City Police Officer if I could have a picture with him.  While I was dressed as a bachlorette.  He chuckled and said “Sure, why not?”  When done I thanked him for what he did, told him I would double his pay if I was queen.  He and the other officers nearby had a chuckle out of this while I was there.  In their daily work lives, imagine the tension, the risks.  Then someone comes along to bring a bit of silliness and fun.  But with obvious respect for them.  Got to be a nice break for them.

My method is to make my voice as high a pitch as I can comfortably do without having it sound squeaky or fake.  And keep my voice to just above a whisper.

Works for me!

And it is part of the adventure!

So get OUT there!!!  Help the world become a bit more tolerant!!!

 

And while you are at it, have……………………..

SUCH FUN!

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at
Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at:
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

SUCH FUN!

Billie