2017 06 30
Hmmmm.  The last day of June, the last day of cool weather, entering the more difficut CDing weather July, August, September.

I had a level four day the other day!!!!!

But now what to do?  I have 90 pictures to go through, crop as needed, and decide.  OMG it is getting more difficult each time!

Back to 7:00am that day.  I had to a rush parts gathering and Bill of Materials for the outfits first thing in the morning.  It is late June and the forecast  turned out to be cool, sunny, and a breeze.  Instead of cool, rainy, and a breeze.  Normally I get things ready the day before, but this was a gift from nature I HAD to take advantage of!  Why?  Because I had a NEW (to me, from GWs $3.00 at half price !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) hot pink satin double breasted BOB MAKIE spring coat that I was dying to wear!!!!!  And PRESTO!  Here was the day!  And soon to be followed by HOT.  As a person attempting to become curvy where there are none, it requires a layering and binding and attaching of parts.  All not conductive to keeping cool.  Plus a fine strand not-knitted stringy kinda stocking-hat-head-insulator —— a wig.  Not a good BoM for a hot day.  But HORRAY!  Yesterday was PERFECT!  A one person National Holiday!

Out the door in a pink with white trim linen blazer ($4.99 @ GWs), white knit (heavy but DREAMILY soft) skirt (Pennys $12.00) Bob Makie coat, pink purse (free), white shoes that were gray at one time, and white hat ($1.50 GWs).  Bliss!  That skirt is so soft, cool, yet thick and heavy. It bumps on my knees when I walk.

You can’t tell by these photos but there are lots of people passing by on foot and in cars.  No one bats an eye.

So out I go to my FAV hamburger joint: One Stop Coney on Fulton.  OMG!  The BEST burger you ever had, the best fries, and my soda of choice.  THAT alone is enough for most restaurant choices, but added to the great burgers!  Swoon!  A meal for the paltry sum (in today’s dollars) of $9.11 Tax Title and Plates.  And you are buying from the owner!

Then to Elegance Wigs.  This is THE place in GR to buy a unknitted-insulating-stocking-hat —– wig thingie.  I purchased a hand tied wig last time.  THE LEAST HOT WIG I OWN.  PLUS since each fiber is hand tied to the mesh cap, the fibers don’t comb out like a wig that is machine made, ie: welfting.  So although the hand tied wig is WAY more expensive it appears that it will last a LOT longer.  And it is cooler, and it has a disappearing mesh at the hair line.  So you can see my natural scalp through the wig.  Very realistic.

So about a year ago I bought a hand tied wig and decided on brown because it would not only be cooler but add to my color choices.  I already had a bunch of lace cap (nice looking but kinda cool only in the winter) and machine made (wiggy looking and never ever cool but cheap) blonde wigs and a couple brown machine made too.  But none really suited to summer.  Except the new, a year ago, brown one.

I have sorta got a signature look with the darker root, streaked blonde, a bit longer than shoulder hair.  After buying and wearing the brown one, I see that the darker color, brown, works better with some colors and the much lighter blonde works better with others.  This is why I test run everything a day or so before and make my BoMs.

Sue at Elegance is checking on that wig for me.  If I take the plunge I will take and post some (less sweaty) pictures in a few weeks.

So after Elegance I took some pictures outside and stopped in a boutique on the Mall to ask if I could as a trans person be in one of the fashion shows they do.  Now I am not trans in the level that I am interested in SRS.  But I believe that everyone is trans to some extent except the full on cis people, those who never ever even considered trying on the clothing from the other gender.  Yep, most every little boy tried on his momma’s heels once and experienced the feel of stockings too.  Anyway the boutique said that they had never even thought about it.  I asked them if they would think about it.  That it would be done in a way that was respectful to their audience.   And to answer NO is OK.  That the people who will ultimately decide if it worked or not would be their customers.  And since we have no control over their preferences, that it is better to err to the safe side.  It may should like I am setting myself up for defeat, but this is likely the first time the boutique had contact with someone trans and besides, I owe the LGBTQ (specially the T) community a positive and ice breaking result.  Anyway we are to email and see.  Not a big chance I suppose but there are two items on my bucket list:  #1 To Be A Bridesmaid, #2 To be in a real fashion show in front of GPs.

And off to GR Pride to change in to a mall(ing) outfit.  As much of a LOL (little old lady) look as I do.  A linnen pink sheath dress and blazer combination with embroidered flowers at the neck.  And a surprise.  See if you can guess the surprise.

Walked the mall.  Found nothing that screamed out to wrest my funds away from me.  Thus far expenditures for the day were at $9.11 and $3.00 for parking.  If they ever want to know why the downtown stores can’t compete against the outlying ones with free parking, I have an answer.

That slit is a surprise sexy, showing off a bit of thigh.  Since it is a dress I can’t rotate it to the back.  And since it is a sheath dress, I need that slit to walk.

Back to GR Pride on my way to the west side of town on an errand for my SO.  Changed in to a pastel pink linen skirt suit with a small pleats skirt ($4.99 GWs).  Then off to a GWs my SO and I hit on Sunday to buy a basket that she told my daughter about.  It was still there, deal done, and out.





Needed to change in to clubwear.  A hot pink sheath dress with some spandex.  Not tight, just moving with me.  Just above mid knee length.  Until I sit.  Then whoop!  Up it goes exposing most of my thighs.  Oh well.  I know how to keep my legs together, my knees pointing away from people, and park them under a table.  But I got some good pictures.  Dress $4.99 at GWs, shoes $7.00 at GWs (!!!!!!! there was a bunch of size 11 platform shoes there!  I bought five pair!!!!  All brand new!!!!!), Bob Makie coat (bliss!), and hat $5.73 at Burlington.  Now this hat has a story.  I was in a Burlington Coat Factory store a few months ago.  I like to look at the shoes in the hope(less) that a pair of the multicolor sequin Mary Janes I saw a couple of years ago would show up IN MY SIZE.  Jammed on one of those rod type hooks projecting out of the slat wall was this BIG black floppy hat.  But it was ripped at the seam for nearly 3/4 of a turn.  The hat is made up of a narrow strip of flat rope wound around and around and sewn.  When I find damaged gods in a store, I usually drop them off at the Service Counter so that an unsuspecting customer doesn’t get a surprise when they get home.  I just hand it in and say I found this and it is damaged, not by me though.  They are always appreciative.   Turns out the store manager asked me if I would like to buy it, probably whish full thinking on his part.  He said he would give me the max discount.  So less than six bucks with tax for a floppy hat bigger than any big floppy hat I had thus far.  I had a project.  The seam was ripped so far around that I had to hand sew (baste) it together.  Then I started at the brim and sewed around and around and around .  I completely sewed up the whole brim.  And now I have a better  than original BIG floppy hat!






ZZ Top “She’s Got Legs!”


Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:



Terrorizing The Cans – NOT

2017 06 23

Went OUT with The Grand Illusions gals.  Used the toilets too.  I prefer one holers if possible.  “Family”, “handicapped”, small restaurants have one holers, GWs, the like.  I have a built in radar for them.  Last thing I wanna do is go in a women’s can when there is any alternative.  But if I gotta go, and there is only one choice, I get in, do my business, and get out.  With my head down.  FAST!  As respect and wanting that same courtesy for my SO.

Anyway I always assemble three outfits for any day OUT.  Sometimes four.  That means I coordinate and pre select, from the top down, coat, hat, earrings, necklace, slip, dress (or skirt suit, maybe a top and skirt), belt if appropriate, rings, bracelets, watch, stockings, ankle bracelet, shoes (or boots).  All tried on a day or more earlier with the full foundation assembly: A first class bits disappearing, shaper (bra and panties in one), corset, padded panties, forms.  Then I can see how everything works together.

Each outfit is on a bill of materials written up for that outfit and day.  Listed just like list from the top down.  Each item of clothing is on a hanger with a numbered tag corresponding to the number of the bill of material.  So the first outfit is numbered 1 on each tag for each item and on the BOM.  The first outfit numbered 1 hangs on a dedicated hook, coat, dress, slip, hat.  The jewelry goes in a plastic tray and sits on top of the shoe box alongside the purse.  The second outfit is also prepped that way and numbered, everything in plastic cleaner bags.  Except for the jewelry (in numbered plastic storage containers with tops, and shoes which are also numbered and in a big cardboard tray.  So outfits two, three, and maybe even four are in bags, numbered, hanging on the To Go hook next to the Out The Door hook with the shoes, jewelry, and purses in a single kind of large cardboard tray  The bill of materials go in the plastic storage containers with the outfit number and sequence showing.  The night before I put the To Go outfits and tray in my car.

If it is a multi day OUTing, I do this for each day.  To differentiate the days the numbers on the tags are color coded and each day has a seperate tray for the jewelry, shoes, and purses.

That way on the day I am going OUT, in the rush to get ready, everything is planned, organized, laid out right down to lipstick color and nail color.

It might sound like a lot of work but really it isn’t any more work than if I did not do the tags and BOM.  Besides the tags are all organized, ready to go, and reused.

And it saves the last minute panic for something needing cleaning, repair, or not looking just right.

I love the technical aspects of this

Anyway I started out the day in a VERY wispy red dress.  This is like wearing AIR.  Unfortunately it is light, susceptible to any breeze, and shorter than I would like.  On the plus side it is cool, wispy, feels good, light, susceptible to any breeze, and shorter than I would like.  It feels like, well, nothing.  Bliss!  With my trademark coordinated hat, purse, and shoes.  And everything else.  The hat was from GWs and the red sash was brought over from another hat.

I changed in to a delightful red blazer and skirt.  The blazer is a wispy red linen and the skirt is organza flower print over a liner.  Very comphy and it feels like wearing a cloud.  Topped off by a black GW hat, the same red sash, and black ankle strap d’orsay shoes.  BLISS!

That evening I wore a new white lace dress.  Body con lace dress.  It fit like a glove.  But there is a seam around the whole dress right at the (feminine) waist.  So I used an elastic belt hat I found for a buck at GWs a couple of years ago.  PERFECT.

There is a small balcony at Rumors that I like to get a picture or two of.




We aren’t hurting anyone.  We aren’t asking for any special privileges.  We don’t want to offend anyone.  If everyone just accepts us for what we look like, then we will blend in and disappear from everyone’s radar.  If they want to chuckle to themselves and think that we are nuts, that is OK too.  But unless they have actually tried what we are doing, then how can they determine that what we are doing isn’t harmless fun?  I mean who are we harming?  Are they aware, if they haven’t tried this, that they are judging based on the programming stuffed in to them by previous generations?  Don’t they realize that by pushing things a bit, we are making the world a bit more tolerant?  And tolerant of trans persons helps tolerance in other ways too? Why not just let’s all have some fun while we can?  Before Yellowstone blows up and obliterates us all, the Feds take everyone’s guns away, the Ruskies send over some nukes, or Kimmie starts a war.

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:




2017 06 18

People seem to like that we gals of The Grand Illusions look realistic. They seem to like that we look good. I don’t think it is a shallowness but rather that we come across as respectful of women. But whatever the reason, people talk to us. A lot. We may be the only trans people they ever notice. They might say something about trans and new or now. I tell them that trans people have been in the midst of everyone since the beginning of time. That they never noticed. And that the people who sell emotional causes ran out of easy targets and seized on the trans community as their next focus. That while everyone is looking at that direction no one notices the stuff happening in the other direction.

So we have been selected by the general population as the ambassatrix for the LGBTQ community. Not something I would choose. Not like winning a contest. Not like being a celebrity. More like being late, not getting to do everything we planned because someone needs to talk and ask questions.

But maybe somehow we are helping the general population to get used to us. To se us as non threatening. Maybe even to see that they can have fun with us.

Like yesterday. A guy talked to us for an hour. Turns out he has terminal cancer and always wanted to crossdressers. I gave him our Group card, Amy told him about our In Meeting, and we both invited him to join us in July. Then I asked him if I could hug him. I told him there are not enough hugs in this world. He seemed to relax and just let some of his torment flow out through that hug.

Then the lady in the food court at the mall wanted to talk. While a man circled nearby. Not with her. But of her race. She is a lovely person. Perhaps he saw that we were not as threatening as he anticipated.

It was like that all day yesterday. Easy a dozen more people stopping us and complimenting our shoes or my hat or our dresses. “You look beautiful!” It has no actual monetary value. But perhaps they are voting for freedom and equal rights with their hidden meaning of “I am OK with you and I want to tell you.”

Maybe they will remember us if they find themselves in conversation with a bigot. Maybe they will remember us next time they vote.

I know I am not important, just a blip on the screen. It really isn’t me that they might remember but if they carry the IMPRESSION I left with them in that conversation or in that voting booth or in their heart when they do come in contact with a transperson, if they do, then my being, my projection, my life, had a purpose. And by maybe helping someone I might never meet, it helps me with my pain.

Thank you for helping ME.

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:




2017 06 15

Oh how I would LOVE to be in a real in person beauty contest, like Miss Michigan.  You know, where the women parade on the stage and smile all the while in terror of falling in their heels.  One without a swimsuit competition.  And while we are at it, without a talent competition.  Oh and no general knowledge tests either.  Unless it is about internal combustion engines.  Maybe they could just judge the contestants on how much effort it took.  I would be a shoe in winner.

Every year my favorite crossdresser supply store has a beauty contest.

I entered their on line Glamour Boutique 2017 Glamour Girl Contest.  I had to submit images on their contest page on Facebook.   You may not know it but I employ a team of crack photo retouchers that have a mainframe computer at their disposal.  So I set them to the task:  “Make me look beautiful!”  I commanded.  When presented with the images to retouch, half the team quit.  Another half immediately went out and polished their resumes  The third half, after the shock of the challenge, set to work.  Even with the reduced staffing level he computer drew so much power that the lights in Grand Rapids dimmed.  After thousands of man hours and billions of adjusted bytes, the real me emerged.  Actually there isn’t a real me.  I am just a figment of my imagination.  But no one knows that the pictures are retouched and people won’t believe that is so anyway.  Everyone thinks that my pictures show the real me.  Maybe I am the only one, but I don’t believe I look “that good”.  Really.  Each time I get a great photo I am amazed at how that came about.  Because six out of seven days a week I don’t look ANYTHING like that.  You would be shocked.  No I am NOT EVER going to show you the other me.  Only a very few selected people know both of me’s.

The other possibility for these amazing images is a magic camera.  What do you think?  Is there a possibility that the genie is in my camera and not in a bottle on a beach?  I know that each time I take a picture of myself I rub the camera and loudly (the genie in the camera might be hard of hearing) say a little chant:  HMMMMCAMERAWOWAGA     HMMMMMMMMMGOODSNAP   HMMMMMMMBLESSTHE IMAGE WE ARE ABOUT TO CAPTURE.  It MUST be some kind of magic because the General Population people passing nearby seem to take notice.  Some stare.  Some are more subtle.  And a few scurry off seemingly to avoid getting caught in the magic?

But obviously it works.  The images from the magic camera look TOO GOOD to be true.  At least by my standards, I CAN’T possibly look that good.  Let’s face it, compared to some CDers, without extensive work, I look like a runner up to the runners ups.  But I don’t care!  I look good to ME!  Actually I am absolutely shocked by the results in the photos.  And isn’t that part of the fun?!!?

I posted the photos on the Glamour Boutique FB page.  Since there MUST be a genie in my camera, who’s to say there isn’t a genie in my computer?  So when I sent the pictures to the FB page, I did like I do with the camera.  I rubbed on the laptop and made a nice loud chant.  HMMMMMMMMMMMMPCWOWAGA   HMMMMMMMMMMMBYTESGOBYE    HMMMMMMMMMMBLESSTHISWHOLETHANG   This time in secrecy because if I did it in The Mall, someone chanting, carrying a pc, and rubbing on it might be obvious.  Problem is I rubbed so much it melted the plastic case.  It sags like the real me.  FINALLY I have some common ground with my laptop, our love/hate relationship.  But the files did make it.

It all must have worked because………………………………..

I WON (my division)!

Billie Anne Jean is the 2017 Miss Glamour Boutique Glamour Girl Contest Winner (Super Cougar category).  Who says the impossible is …………. impossible?!?


What’s the big deal anyway?  Well the photos I take serve some purposes:

  • Without a photo or some kind of visual snap, an internet post on a forum, on FB, well people just don’t pay attention You don’t get the number of views.  So I use the pictures as part of the advertising for The Grand Illusions Adult Trans and CDer Group which I facilitate.  See Note 1)
  • The photos teach me how to improve my presentation. After this photo I realized that shoes must be a darker color than the outfit unless they are WAY brighter on purpose  So navy shoe would have been better here  Yet BRIGHT RED shoes work with a black dress or a white dress.
  • And for me, the photos validate what I am doing. They are a report card of me, for me, to me.  They make me feel a little less foolish.  Because society says I am a fool for doing something wrong.  So wrong, dressing “inappropriately”  Baggage I have to carry.
  • Winning the Contest (Super Cougar category) REALLY ramps up my personal validation.

BUT THERE IS MORE!  The overall competition was very stiff.  I knew I had NO chance for an overall spot.  Part of that is that I am old enough to be the younger gals mom and a grandmother to the youngest group!  Their age plus a do over or two.  The judges were kind to senior citizens that day because in addition to my category ………………………….

I am an overall Runner Up!

The weirdest thing about winning my category so far is that my SO is getting a kick out of it.  She has been my greatest supporter so far in the contest.  That was the best prize for me because she wasn’t too sure about my CDing.  She is absolutely having a chuckle about me winning.  And when she is happy, I am happy.  Because that is my greatest validation.


Congratulations to the winners.  It is completely obvious why the overall winner won and the winners in each category were selected.  Except for me.  But that was a gift.

Note 1)
The Grand Illusions Adult Trans and CDer Group is a support group for adult trans and CDers.  It is a classy group and tends away from the CDing as a fetish part of the spectrum.  Pretty much everyone has been dealing with this part of their life since childhood.  Pretty much everyone takes it seriously.  Pretty much everyone dresses to deal with the demons.   The meetings and gatherings are NOT about sex.  They ARE about camaraderie, acceptance, support, understanding.  Some of the members look REALLY good.  Some look OK.  The most valued attributes are compassion, a nice personality, a sense of humor, and conversation.  Appearance, beauty, are NOT a factor.  The most valued members are not the prettiest.  The most valued members are those who are the most fun.  IT IS NOT a beauty contest.

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:



^^^^^^^ FEELING UP! ^^^^^^^

2017 06 12

I had not been enfemme in THIRTY FIVE days!  From after DRAB to FABulous, family obligations, right through a two week vacation, more family obligations.  I usually get OUT once a week.  THIRTY FIVE DAYS!

I am fortunate that I don’t get depressed if I don’t dress.  I am fortunate that I am not trans either.  At least not trans enough to require SRS.  I say it that way because those who do get depressed, or are trans, have a harder path than I do.  I think that maybe a small percentage of the male population is completely sans any feminine characteristics, a small percentage of the male population has more than enough feminine characteristics to transition, and the rest of us, me included,  fall someplace in between.  I also believe that most CDers do so because they need to.  It isn’t a fetish, it is a need.  And they have been doing so with all the associated guilt, shame, fear of discovery, rejection, since childhood.  I feel indebted to those who fall in to the mostly feminine characteristics percentage because they pay my way.  I feel indebted to those who have been dressing their whole life and paid my way.  You are my heroes.

I get to be the cheerleader.  “Let’s have SUCH FUN!” I say.  When my heroes are doing it to survive

Well I lie a bit there.  It isn’t just fun for me either.  And it is definitely not a fetish for me.  I do it because it is an escape, because there are some things that depress me.  I have had some really bad things happen in my life.  Things beyond my control.  I couldn’t fix them no matter how hard I tried.  I am dependent on others to carry their share of the issue and some just don’t see the need for the effort.  So I was getting depressed more and more and more.  And I was aging too.  My body was changing and I lost most of my hair.  But mother nature has a sense of humor.  I gained hair in places I don’t need, lost most of it where I want it.  I lost nearly forty pounds except mother nature has a sense of humor.  I ended up with real breasts and real hips.  But maybe some of that is because I had cancer and the meds altered things a bit.  And I was depressed about my job.  I LOVED my job.  But the companies went from knowledgeable supervisors to office workers who scheduled us and “managed” us, idiots who never ever did anything that we do, no experience at all.  Made a fun job a hassle.  I was really down.

Then I “discovered CDing”.  Really.  Prior to 2012 I had never even heard of CDing.  Oh sure I knew about the clowns, the plumber in a mumu comedy show.  That kind of stuff.  But SERIOUS CDing?  going OUT!!!???!!!!!!! NO IDEA it even existed.  All of a sudden I found a make believe world that helped me with my demons.  Now I could change in to Billie and be happy and create SUCH FUN!  And OMG there were other people who needed SUCH FUN because they had been dealing with the shame, the rejection, all that.  And guess what!??!  When I see them happy, free from that negatives, accepted, respected, it helps ME to escape and forget my pain.

They think I am helping them, I know they are helping ME!

So thank you!

On Friday I finally got a chance to go OUT.  But it was planned since last November.  Because I am the Facilitator for The Grand Illusions CDer and adult trans social and support group.  So I nearly always treat myself to a day OUT with a  few outfit changes.

I started out the day OUT in a skirt ($1.99 on sale) from Pennys with ruffled top from GWs ($2.29), a hat from Wally world ($3.74), shoes from Shoe Carnival ($10.89).  The hat and shoes are navy blue now but the shoes were black when I got them and the hat was white.  Oh and a navy purse from GWs at $3.00.  Total outfit less than twenty five bucks!

I went to Noodles and Company for lunch.

To a newly opened GWs.  Bought a narrow black and a narrow gold belt for less than four bucks for both.

To The Mall nearby and walked through Sears.  Nice to do before that company all but dissappears.  A great place to take a self portrait because it is all but impossible to disturb anyone.

Then to Charlotte Russe Plus Size store.  Next across the hall to Torrid.




And last to Charming Charlies. 

Tonight was an IN Meeting.  That means anything goes as long as it is in good taste.  Basically we don’t want to see your junk. The mall is on the SW side of the greater Grand Rapids metro area.  The meeting place is in the near NE side.  So I had to transit the city SW to NE.  There is an interstate that goes right where I need but around 5:00pm it gets busy.  So I allowed an hour and a half early to go what should not take more than a half hour even in traffic.  So I got to the meeting site an hour early.  I have been running The Group for a bit over four years and have never cancelled a meeting or been significantly late.  I have driven hundreds of miles through the night to be there.   I have driven nearly a thousand miles to make it.  Flown from southern Texas to make it.  Strung extension cords from “borrowed” power and hung clip lights when the power at the meeting site was down.  Why?  Because people count on The Group to be there.

And it is SUCH FUN!

I am not sure how I look in short shorts.  But WTH it was an IN Meeting, I was with Friends, it was warm out, and I had a great new method to tuck.  No one would be able to tell even if they had wandering hands.  So I changed in to white stretchy short shorts with a petal hem.  Topped off with a blue ruffle blouse.  With the navy accessories.  Now I had not ever worn short shorts, or any kind of shorts as Billie.  I never wear shorts any other time.  But let me tell you the feeling of ALL of my legs out in the breeze was LIBERATING!  It felt SO GOOD!  And if I squinted just enough I could convince myself that my legs were LOOONNNNGGGGGG and I looked hot!  Or my team of retouchers and that main frame computer would fix the photo.
Half way through the Meeting I walked a bock over to the Hut and ordered dinner for The Group.  Two of the gals went along.  Faced with a choice to go back to The Meeting, hang around the HUT, or stroll around the block with the air and sun on my legs, what would YOU do?  So I took them through a local unusual historic hot dog joint where there are no order slips, no computers, no electronic cash registers.  All sandwich orders are taken at the first person behind the counter.  The next person dispenses the “pop” and chips.  The third person hands you your tray with your sandwiches and adds up your bill IN THEIR HEAD.  You pay and go sit in a place lined with old newspapers of historic and important headlines, with antiques and junk hung everywhere.  In OLD wooden booths.  This place goes from one side of the narrow block through to the other.  The three of us looked “pretty good” and as we walked through I could detect one table of maybe three men and three women mid thirties conversation kind of pause. We walked right by and out the door.  Then around the other end of the block and past a sports bar on the other side of the street with a bunch of guys hanging around outside smoking.  Then back to the Hut, pick up the pies, and to the feast.

After the Meeting  I changed in to a lace dress ($4.99) from GWs, and bright blue shoes (same scenario from Shoe Carnival) and accents.



OMG!  I had……….

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:




2017 06 02

I think it is appropriate to again revisit this because I get questions about it now and then.  I am not trans in that I have no doubt that I am my birth gender.  However I think that only a very few people are completely not trans.   And only a very few are completely trans.  The rest of us fall someplace in between.  I have more of the trans characteristics than most, but not enough to actually feel that I was born in the wrong body.   It is like when they say “He is getting in touch with his feminine side” whenever a guy does something normally associated with women.  Like cooking.  Or sewing.  Or cleaning.  Or dancing.  This is more obvious with guys because we are held in a tighter role model.  Any guy putting on a dress is immediately noticed.  Women, they are just tomboys if they have some masculine traits.  They can wear men’s clothes anytime they choose.  They can do things traditionally associated with men as their friends yell out “You GO girl!”  No one yells out encouragement when a guy tries to do something that traditionally is associated with women.  More like they yell out insults and question our sanity.  Even with the negativity oweverI find that CDing a small part of the time makes me happier to be a guy because I can briefly escape the role thrust on me by culture based on my gonads.  And, knowing that if I desired, I could have SRS, I am happily choosing to be a guy.  Just a guy in a dress the bit of time that I CD, poking fun at societies rules.  I love my SO dearly, I would do anything for her, I love being a guy.  This is just me.  Not a standard or judgment on anyone else.  It is to set the stage for the next bit of information.

When I am OUT in the General Public (GP) I get asked a lot of questions about my being trans, and then when they find out I am just a CDer, they ask if I want to be a woman, if I am gay, and on and on. Sometimes these conversations go on for quite a while. So the GP think I am trans. Not my choice but an honor to be thought of as being that brave. This is one reason why I feel it is important to present as classy as I can. If they choose to see me as trans, then I must project an image respectful to what they think I am representing.  Or if I did choose to go out looking like a slut, maybe I could carry a sign that says: “Don’t judge trans people based on my looking like a stripper.”  Better to just dress classy and make it easy for them.  I feel it is essential to use these interactions with the GP to advocate for trans people. Even for the LGBTQ as I get asked questions about it all.  I am an ambassatrix not of my choice. But if I am a poor example, even though I am not trans, because the GP think I am trans, I would be doing a disservice to the trans community.

And I hold the trans community in high regard. Because to me being trans is like one of the early explorers venturing off into the unknown. Where no person has gone before. To find the North Pole or the beginning of the Nile.  No one does this on a whim. It takes guts.

To show my respect, in the way I can, I present as classy as I can. Classy has little to do with beauty, thank goodness.  It is more to do with behavior and not dressing like a stripper, for shock value, or fantasy.  I try to show a welcoming and friendly face, to be approachable, to smile, make eye contact, say HI!  If I can show them that it is OK to approach me, then I succeeded in breaking down a barrier. Answering their questions while remembering the beautiful (inside because that is what matters) and amazing trans people I have met, I hope to show the GPs that the trans community are nothing to fear, I am open to spreading knowledge, we are a valuable part of the cornucopia of humanity.

I do not do this because I am someone special.  I am not the leader.  I am not an example.  I am just a schmuck who has seen the really cool people who are trans and feel a debt to them because their road through life is harder than mine.

It is like we were in the dice game of life and I got an easier roll than they.  Maybe I could have rolled the number that means I get gender dysphoria number rather than they.  But they got it.  And it isn’t easy.
I salute you.

I have hugs available and would consider it an honor to give one to you, those I consider heroes!!!!!!!!!!!

As an example, most of the world thinks of trans M-F as a joke.  It is like the last free pass for the comedians and sitcoms.  No jokes about backs, gays, handicapped, fat, short.  But go ahead and have at it with the guy in a dress thing.  No one is going to rise up and defend our dignity.  We don’t have any, right?  Or so the general public thinks.  Otherwise WHY would we do such a thing?  A man in a dress?  Why would he be willing to make himself LESS?  Less powerful, less masculine, less self assured, less secure in comfortable shoes pants shirt and socks that don’t run?  Less because a man is more whatever than a woman?  We really have to stop with the gender based hierarchy.

Guys from the UK have an odd way of doing bachelor parties.  They go to eastern Europe  and put the groom to be in a precarious position.  Like wrapping him in packaging tape.  Or this:

And THIS is how the general population sees us.  We can’t do anything about it.  It is “Just in fun” after all.  “Harmless” after all.  But THIS is how we are perceived.

All I can do is be classy when OUT enfemme and project that I OWN it, have dignity, and demand to be accepted as I project  And so far that is what I am receiving, for the most part.  yes there is maybe a 5% chance that I will receive some kind of negative response.  But the other 95% seem to be more emphatically upbeat.

Maybe we ARE making a difference?

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:




Been away for a while

Some interesting numbers.

I was recently in Eastern Europe.  The tour said that the country, the Check Republic, was decidedly non Christian.  I was prepared for an uncivilized population but found them to be quite polite, the streets largely free of rubbish, little graffiti, drivers courteous as in very few horn sounds, generally a civilized place..  This piqued my interest so I checked their crime stats.
For the Check Republic:
Opiate use          0.4%
Violent crime     181/million
Murder                                17.26/million
Rape                      45.77/million
Christians            25%
Atheists               75%

The country I came from and returned to:
For the USA:
Opiate use          0.57%
Violent crime     12,996/million
Murder                                42.01/million
Rape                      27,404/million
Christians            75%
Atheists               25%

I am just pointing out the differences in a place where the population is percentage wise very much not Christian to a place where percentage wise the population claims to be Christian.

The numbers may not be entirely accurate.  Jut what I could get off the net.

Numbers came from:
and Google

I love this country. But maybe it is time to look at our culture and see if we can put a bit of a correction in our direction. Perhaps bring civility back as a desired personality trait rather than perceived as a weakness.