RETURNING TO THE USA

2017 01 27

I was out of the country for a little while.  I escaped the insanity, bigotry, hate, and just plain nastiness for a little while. To little of a while.

On the flight back to the USA I had a moment.  I was struck by how much the USA I was returning to, post inauguration, differed from the USA I left.  I realize the bigotry and racism and hate was always there, hidden barely under the surface.  What changed is that these sad characteristics are now open and perhaps celebrated by a portion of the population.  And enabled by the President through his behavior.  His predecessor would never have tolerated this.  Every one of his predecessors would not have tolerated this.

Add to that the new way of distributing false information, his pooping out opinions based on who knows what, gag orders on government agencies, secrets, Twitter diplomacy.  OMG the USA has a despot or dictator in the making.

I remember when the Democratic Party represented the uneducated bible thumping bigots and racists.  I remember when the Republican Party more or less represented the more educated populace.  Not any more.  The parties have sorta swapped roles.  Now the Republican Party seems to embrace ignorance.  And hate.  And bigotry.  And their god given right to whatever.

And people have no clue.

And we have no Walter Cronkite, no Huntley/Brinkley.  No Hurst News.  No powerful media protecting the public trust.

If someone had plotted to overthrow our freedoms and our democracy, they could not have planed it better.

A VERY different country.

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at
Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at:
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

SUCH FUN!

Billie

CROSSDRESSING – Part E: THE NEED TO BLEND IN

2017 01 26

Fetishists like to be noticed and can trade their CDing in for something else any time they want.  They can get rid of the sissy dress, the stripper wear, the lycra spandex, the six inch platform heels, the wild wigs, and get in to something else that satisfies them.

The transpeople and the trans CDer can not trade in their NEED nor do they want to be an exhibitionist.  They want to disappear in the crowd.

Imagine six women at an office who decide to meet for a drink and chat each week on Wednesday after work.  They all go to a nice place with some danceable music and have a drink, then all do a couple of dances as a group.  You see something like this all the time.  But one of the gals had the afternoon off and came from her apartment.  Dressed in a hot pink neon lycra spandex micro mini with sky high platform shoes and fishnets.  She is attracting a LOT of attention.  Or maybe she isn’t attracting a lot of attention but the other gals in the group don’t want to attract ANY attention.  The problem with miss hot pink is she has the outfit that screams “LOOK AT ME”.  This makes the rest of the group uncomfortable.  When have you ever seen this scenario?  VERY RARE.  Why?  Because women understand how this works.  To the point that if they are arranging to meet and not coming from a place that already dictates their outfits, they will coordinate between them so they all are dressed in similar modes: casual or dressy or glam or maybe sweats and flip flops.  As a group they may, in unison, send a message dressed as “Notice us!” to dressed a conservative “We are not interested.”  And these women know by experience which outfits scream “We want to be noticed!” or “We don’t want to be bothered!”

Crossdressers are no different.  There are crossdresser groups which seem to be in competition for who has the shortest dress, the shiniest legs, the biggest hair, the most drag queen face, the most flamboyant.  These are more like fetishists.  Then there are CDer groups which want to be fem but want to go unnoticed, these are the trans CDers, not fetishists.  The latter does NOT mix well with the former.  It is like putting a firecracker in the library.  The majority of the patrons want quiet, one wants a bang.  The quiet ones throw the bang one out the door.

And then there is the safety issue.  We will go over that next time.

So if you are a fetishist crossdresser please be sensitive to the real needs of the non fetishist crossdressers.  Although you get a thrill out of hanging your butt out there for the world to notice, the trans crossdressers do not.  One fetishist can make a bunch of blend-in crossdressers uncomfortable.  You can be the spoiler.

I am a member of a CDer social and support group, “The Grand Illusions”.  About once a year we have a CDer show up who seems to favor outlandish fantasy wear.  Now we in The Group have not been blessed with some mystical fetishist detection magic.  Everyone is welcome to our IN Meetings.  But as time goes on occasionally a recently new member may begin to wear provocative outfits, may exhibit behavior that lacks class.  Over time the fetishist may evidence their desires through their behavior.  It makes the rest of the group (Group – 1 fetishist = Rest Of The Group) uncomfortable.  You can see in the math how The Group – 1 number will always be far greater than the 1 fetishist of the moment.  And there will always be a reoccurring theme here.  Fetishists are welcome at the IN meetings as long as they keep it classy.  Fetishists are NOT welcome on an OUTing.  The Group is for Transpersons and Trans CDers, both of which are not in this for sexual thrills.  We are in this just to be OK with ourselves, to survive.

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

Next:  Safety

You can also email me at
Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at:
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

SUCH FUN!
Billie

CROSSDRESSING – Part D: THE NEED TO GO OUT

2017 01 12

Before even getting started on the theme for today’s ramble we need to go over the WHY.

But first you need to understand a few things.

  • Trans people are born with a mismatch between their inner self, their gender in their mind, and the gender that their body was built with. They are not choosing to crossdress.  They are presenting as the gender their mind tell them they should be.  And the need is so overwhelming that they HAVE to correct the mismatch or if that is not possible they end up living with the mismatch to varying degrees of internal discord.  This can be a huge personal struggle.  At best it is a huge personal sacrifice because of the rejection that society places on them.  There is a term called cis.  This means someone who is born with a gender that matches inside and out.  Trans people are not cis gendered.  They are 100% cis.
  • Crossdressers come in two distinct variations.
  1. The first and smallest group of crossdressers are those who do it purely for fun and can at any time elect to go on to some other hobby like activity. Like pony play, BDSM, gamboling, motorcycle riding.  For them it is a choice.  If the going gets rough do something else.  These are cis people or close to cis who are having fun crossing the lines.
  2. The largest group of crossdressers do so because, like trans people, theirs is a mismatch between their inner self, their gender in their mind, and the gender that their body was built with. They are not choosing to crossdress.  They are presenting as the gender their mind tells them they should be.  BUT for the crossdressers with trans characteristics, the need to align the mind’s gender with the body’s gender may not be as overwhelming as the trans persons need is.  Although the CDer with trans characteristics has to present as the mind’s gender, they may not have to do it 100% of the time to survive.  Perhaps half the time, a quarter of the time, one day a week, once a month, two times a year.  It is like percentages of trans.  Not something they can stop.  Something that they can find a way to live with.  A work around.  These might be OK with their outward self some percentage of the time, and happy with their other self some percentage of the time.  Changing helps them deal with their mismatch.  Think of these as trans crossdressers.  They are serious about their crossdressing.

And some review:
Previously I discussed that there are CDers who do this for sexual gratification (fetishists) and there are CDers who do this because it is a part of them, not for sexual gratification, for VALIDATION.  To bring OUT a part of their consciousness.  These are CDer who have a little Trans, a medium Trans, or a lot of Trans characteristics.  They do this because they HAVE TO.  Today this is all about the Trans CDer, those who do this and prefer to be unnoticed.

Now back to the subject:

So why do we, the trans crossdressers, have to go OUT?
Yes we M-F trans people dress up like women and go OUT enfemme in the real world.  To the mall, to the grocery store, to the Post Office, the DMV.  Because at that moment, and for some of us that moment is every moment, because we, the trans crossdressers, are what we look like.  We are just being ourselves.  And harming no one.  For some of us fem is the real us, that is why we are trans.  For some of us fem is most of us but we aren’t fem enough to change genders.  For some of us we aren’t fem enough to be fem more than part time.  But for ALL of us we HAVE TO be fem anywhere from a little bit to, for some of us, all of the time, and that HAVE TO is what makes us trans.  So we can’t just dress up and play house behind closed doors.  It is like someone learning to fly, who gets real happiness from flying, who buys a plane, and never flys it.  Except that person can sell the plane and start motorcycling.  We trans CDers can not stop CDing without feeling like we are loosing a part of ourselves.  We have that ONE thing we do which we can’t stop.  We can’t trade it in for something else.  And we NEED to do it while doing typical daily activities because we NEED to just be ourselves.

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

Next:  Blending in

You can also email me at
Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at:
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

SUCH FUN!
Billie

SPAMMERS

I mark EVERY sales offer. every sales pitch, every Nigerien scam (an they all are), every whiz bank whatever as SPAM.  You are wasting your time and getting yourselves added to the spam records for this email provider.

But go ahead and have at it.  This email provider has a easy way to do a batch spam label and delete.

CROSSDRESSING – Part C: REAL PEOPLE – REAL EXAMPLES

2017 01 05

I am the facilitator for a CDer and adult trans Support Group. The facilitator title just means that I did all the work to get it going,  that I keep it focused on the original founding goals, and that I don’t own it as much as take care of it.

None of what I am writing here is scientifically proven.  It is just my casual observations.  So please take this as a simplified a summary with approximations.

 

We have something like over a hundred people who have to varying levels been a part of our Group.  Of this maybe 6% were M-F trans to the point of seeking a physical gender change and live their lives in peace.  A very small number, about 3%, crossdress for the thrill, perhaps as a fetish.  Around 89% have been CDing to varying extents since childhood.  And then there are two percent who started late in life and are probably at the far end of the trans spectrum, almost not trans.  Of the 89% a couple percent are BI.  The remaining 87% are more male hetro but still having some feminine attributes.

 

Some examples of real people:

CDer 1 has been crossdressing since childhood.  This person would throw himself under a bus to protect a child, someone’s wife, the granny in the checkout lane.  Although he struggled to become able to enjoy his female side when dressed as such, he revels at the male things he does when dressed as his outward birth gender.  He would never consider a gender change, never consider sex with a guy, never consider any type of fetish sex.  His is an “only” crossdressing.  So think of him as male, somewhat trans, and since trans isn’t an all or nothing, let’s pick 15% female, 85% male, and trans.  About 87% of the members are like this.  Some more than the 15%.  Some maybe 50%.  And I find them good company, they accept me, listen when I need it.  That is all they seek from me and that is all I seek from them,  so there!

CDer 2 has been crossdressing since childhood.  This person would throw himself under a bus to protect a child, your wife, the granny in the checkout lane.  Although he revels at his female side when dressed as such, he also revels at the male things he does when dressed as his birth gender.  He would never consider a gender change, never consider any type of fetish sex.  He is BI.  His is an “only” crossdresser.  So think of him as male, somewhat trans, and since trans isn’t an all or nothing, let’s pick 15% female, 85% male, and trans.  Oh and he swings both ways.  Not because it gives him a thrill.  He would LOVE to not be BI, or maybe he would love to be gay.  But it is the cards he was dealt.  And he is a great person to have as a member because he is not game hunting.  About 2% of the membership is like this.  And I find them good company, they accept me, listen when I need it.  And I find them good company, they accept me, listen when I need it.  That is all they seek from me and that is all I seek from them,  so there!

CDer 3 has been crossdressing since childhood.  This person would throw herself under a bus to protect a child, your wife, the granny in the checkout lane.  Outwardly male, she revels at her female side when dressed as such, she also revels at the male things she does maybe or maybe not when dressed as her birth gender.  She feels like his life is a lie because other than some physical accessories, he is really a she.  She would likely never consider any type of fetish sex.  She may be BI, lesbian, or hetro just like the general population.  So think of her as male on the outside, female on the inside, definitely trans, and since trans isn’t an all or nothing, let’s pick 90% trans.  When the outside matches the inside she may feel 95% female, cheated by genes even after surgery.  She maybe would Love to not be trans, LOVE to be a woman at birth, or love to be a guy and 0% trans (probably VERY few percent of the population is).  But she has to live with the cards she was dealt.  And she is a great person to have as a member because she is not looking for sex, just acceptance.  About 2% of the membership is like this.  And I find them good company, they accept me, listen when I need it.  That is all they seek from me and that is all I seek from them,  so there!  And be it known, this person is VERY brave!  Should be considered a hero/heroine because this person got a lot of the trans genes, not the bit of trans genes like the rest of us.  This person is like an explorer seeking the North Pole, risking everything, a personal journey of endurance, loneliness, discomfort, disbelief by the masses, driven to keep moving onward to the goal.  Amazing people.  I am in awe of them.

CDer 4 has NOT been crossdressing since childhood.  This person would throw himself under a bus to protect a child, your wife, the granny in the checkout lane.  Although he revels at his female side when dressed as such, he also revels at the male things he does when dressed as his birth gender.  He would never consider a gender change, never consider sex with a guy, never consider any type of fetish sex.  His is an “only” crossdressing.  So think of him as male most of the time, female some of the time, trans, and since trans isn’t an all or nothing, let’s pick 5% female, 90% male, largely happy with himself/herself and trans.  Some more than 10% female.  Some maybe 20%, maybe 30%.  And he is a great person to have as a member because he is not looking for sex, just acceptance.  About 2% of the membership is like this.  And I find them good company, they accept me, listen when I need it.  That is all they seek from me and that is all I seek from them,  so there!  BTW this is me.  I do it because it fills a need.  But the need isn’t consuming.  All determined by the genes.

Of “CDer” 5 I am reluctant to lump in with the Crossdressers and Trans persons but since the General Public finds it more convenient to do so, I must discuss them.
Not all crossdressers are part of the LGBTQ community, not all guys in a dress are crossdressers.  Those who dress in women’s clothes for sexual gratification, to expose themselves, to be noticed, to get a thrill are fetishists.  Crossdressing for sexual gratification, to expose themselves, to be noticed is NOT part of the T in LGBTQ  (ie: Lesbian, Gay, Bi Sexual, Trans, and Gender Queer).   I say not part of the LGBTQ because the fetishist may move on to some other fetish.  Those of us who are NOT in this for a fetish can NOT move on to another fetish.  We aren’t in a fetish now.  We do this just to feel OK with ourselves.  Unfortunately the fetishists get noticed because they flaunt it.  This is another distinction.  Those of us who have to do this, don’t flaunt it.  Oh sure we may be OUT enfemme and a bit overdressed but we aren’t wearing a ball gown to the local mall, a neon pink lycra spandex micro mini to the dance club, sky high platform shoes and stripper wear, a wig that looks like something from a sitcom.  No, we would rather be ignored and perceived only as a woman, albeit a well dressed woman.  And if someone approaches us, a CDer and attempts to enter in to some kind of sexual arrangement, the odds are we will behave very much like the female we are presenting as.  With a big NO.  This has happened to me and I have refused because it is not a fetish.  In my experience perhaps 2% of the group lumped in together by the general public as CDers are really not CDer but fetishists and would be a better fit in the “fetish” community, not in the LGBTQ trans category.

People who are fetish crossdressers are welcome to attend our functions.  We do not think that we are blessed or cursed with a special consciousness to determine who is a fetishist, who is Trans, or CDers with trans characteristics of varying percentages.  HOWEVER typically it becomes evident after a while that someone is a fetishist via their actions and conversation.  Those of us who are Trans/trans CDer are uncomfortable with the sexual and display aspects of the fetishist.  The Group is almost exclusively Trans and CDers with trans characteristics of varying percentages.  Since there are other venues which cater to fetishists, other forums and chat groups for fetishists, the fetishists find it a better fit to be with others who let it all hang out.  If they want to attend, present, and behave in a classy and respectful manner, they are more than welcome.  If they try to attend and make conquests, let their junk hang out, dress like a stripper and go on an OUTing with The Group, this makes the majority uncomfortable.  Therefore we say “No thanks”.  Are there people in our Group who have a fetish?  Perhaps but since they present classy, tastefully, appropriately, and behave classy and appropriately, they are welcome, encouraged.

For the general population, do you want to be “cool”, thought of as enlightened, classy?  Refer to us as the way we are presenting.  Specially if we look female, call us “Miss”, “Maam”, “Ladies”.  You will be a cool person and garner our admiration.  If we look masculine and are obviously so, then use “Sir” or “guy”.  You will be a cool person and garner our admiration.  If in doubt eliminate the gender labels all together.  You won’t lose.  But if you want to be thought of as a dink, call us the wrong gender and make it obvious.  We won’t harm you, if you are a business, other than your pocketbook.  Because we won’t be back.  The definition of shooting yourself in the foot.

Next:  The need to blend in.

Feel free to leave comments on this blog.  You may also tell me if you prefer that your comments be private.  As the all powerful blogger I get to decide what shows up on the blog.  Compliments are appreciated.  Suggestions are encouraged.  Criticism will result in an army of minions beating down your door.  (Just kidding!)

You can also email me at
Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at:
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

SUCH FUN!
Billie