2016 11 21

Are we in this together or not?  Is the LGBTQ “community” ready to really ban together as one or are we going to try to navigate the treacherous waters ahead in separate groups?

I have only been going OUT for four years.  I discovered this part of me just four years ago.  From the very first I have been OUT in the general population.  It has been that natural to me.dscn9691-2

And since that very first time, I have been aware that something is happening, not to me, but to those who see me.

This is my way of changing people’s perceptions of LGBTQ.  By being OUT there and allowing the General Population to see me, as I am. To learn that they can have fun with me as I am. To learn that I am non threatening. That they can ask questions and receive polite answers.

So Friday I was in Woodland Mall by myself and a woman stopped me and asked me about myself. Then she began asking questions about trans and gay. Polite but curious. I answered her questions and engaged her.  For 45 minutes! Turns out her brother in law was the reason she was asking.  He is gay and is in a relationship with a trans person.dscn9698-2

I may have helped two people I will never meet.

This happens a lot.

But even if I don’t get asked or am not engaged in a conversation, people see me and maybe they are a bit less intolerant, a bit more used to us.

We CAN fight back against tyranny (government oppression) and bigotry (oppression by fellow citizens) by living our lives as we want.  But it certainly does help to be perceptive of the winds of change.  For instance I can expect, based on experiences of the last four years, if I go OUT in the public presenting as a typical, but perhaps well dressed female, and behave in an appropriate manner to how I present, that I will receive little attention from the General Population (GPs).  Now imagine that I was going OUT midst the GP wearing stripper wear.  Now.  In his political climate.  Perhaps I might have been OK before, but likely not now.

I prefer to call this “blending” as opposed to “passing” as very few of us really can pass ourselves off as a woman.  I certainly can’t  But I can blend in and get by.  It isn’t about beauty.  It is about taking what you have to work with and creating an illusion which will buy you time to transit a person’s detection zone.dscn9715-2

I don’t try to fool myself that people see me as a woman.  I know I am not fooling anyone.  But by working on my illusion, I can camouflage myself enough to blend in to the background.  And by the time they figure it out, if they are that fast, I am far enough away to be more effort than they want to use.

In a restaurant, people are busy with their meals.  It is a place of business.  So the business does not want any customer to cause a disturbance.  Dressing and behaving appropriately in the manner that classy women would do, pretty much guarantees us a pleasant experience.  We all look appropriate and behave appropriately.  But imagine how different it would be if one of us was dressed as a stripper.  Or talked about their sex adventures or gutting their hunting catch in a voice loud enough for others to hear.  Or their political convictions, religion, you name it.

I hope we can continue our activities.  We have always been very selective of the places we go.  Always been very careful of what we do.  This will continue.  Maybe even a bit more selective, careful, and blending.dscn9718-2

But still showing we are having…………….

This dress, bolero jacket, hat, and coat came from GWs.  My total investment for them was about $20.00.  I want to emphasize that with a bit of patience you can acquire a decent wardrobe on a budget.  The red sash was leftover material from shortening a dress.  The shoes were on sale at Shoe Carnival.

I liked this outfit so much that I did something I rarely do.  I wore it all day right through clubbing.  Even though I brought two changes with me.


2016 11 15

Have you ever seen a group of guys break dancing on the sidewalk in a downtown area?  They compete to get the most applause and maybe tips.  The more outrageous the more applause.

Or have you ever been to a comedy fest or open mike comedy night?  Where the people compete for the most applause.  The more outrageous the comedy the more applause.

Or have you ever noticed that the fashions on the runway, or the Victoria Secret fashion show, how the more outrageous the more attention?

The street corner evangelist with the bullhorn wins out against the guy on the opposite corner speaking in a normal voice?  Louder wins every time.

Somehow the election got caught up in that too.

I have seen a general trend in this country for the population to become less civilized.  People are so self centered.  They can’t wait in line, they are impatient with the workers.  They drive like they are racing and own the highway.  People have become openly rude.

I was just in Spain.  What a contrast!  The graffiti “artists” don’t paint on the masonry and stone buildings, some of which are quite old.  They paint on the metal doors and roll up doors.  They don’t paint on the subway cars, on the aluminum or stainless steel car sides.  They paint on the frame and trucks below.  The people drive like any big city without cutting each other off.  They use their turn signals.  There is almost no honking.  There is no flipping off and cutting off.  People are out in the squares and shopping/entertainment districts.  Muslims in their garb, Jews, and the rest, young and old.  Together.  Polite.  Little trash, people don’t throw their stuff on the ground.  The only debris I saw was cigarette butts, here and there.  Not a lot.  But let’s face it, you have to be somewhat inconsiderate to smoke anyway.  It is impossible to smoke in public without making the majority non smokers have to breathe the smoke.  It is inconvenient to have to dispose of the butts so the smokers may just toss them.  But even in Spain this wasn’t like here.  And there was a guy dressed up as Marilyn Monroe in the white dress, on a second floor balcony, waving to the people below on the primary shopping and dining pedestrian way.  Not a single cat call.  Not a single homophobic comment, at least not out loud.

Maybe the Spanish have something here?  A civilized society?

I think we are going to see an uptick in the bullying, hate crimes, bigotry, discrimination, and violence everywhere from the junior high schools through all phases of life. Our country has a major political party and it’s candidates, elects, incumbents, right down to county clerks who find this behavior to be acceptable as long as it is directed to select minorities.

I am very sorry to say that I am disappointed in this country.

So what can a mere CDer do to make it better?  Probably nothing.  But a beach is made up of grains of sand.  There is a town southwest of where I live that got swallowed up by an advancing sand dune.  Those insignificant grains of sand covered a city.  Every beach, every desert is made up of grains of sand.

So I call on the good people of  to say that they are tired of the meanness, the bigotry, the lack of kindness, the hate.  That it is not an attribute to be rude.  That even a stupid person can be rude.

Meanwhile I am going to have FUN running a support group and providing some respite for other CDers.



Halloween is SUCH FUN!

2016 11 02

Did you have fun?

I would say that this Halloween was the most fun CDing I ever had.  But I thought that last year.  So I am betting that there are even more  “mosters” yet to come!

Halloween, as you know was on a Monday.  In the Grand Rapids area, since most people have a job, that means the festivities start on the Friday evening before.

Friday October 28th
I started my enfemme day at 1:00pm with lunch and stops at a few resale shops.  Not much good EXCEPT I found a really cute red LeSuit blazer with a petal hem with wide curved lapels and two big buttons.  And at a second GWs I found another LeSuit blazer in mauve with black piping and two big back buttons.  Both long sleeves and short in the body.  EXACTLY my preferred styles.  Pictures when I wear them.  Soon!








The Grand Illusions Group met at the usual place and time and headed OUT for dinner.  These gals are all very nice, a great deal of fun.  We support each other like friends do.  Really sometimes just getting together with someone who understands, listens, and does not judge, sometimes that is all it takes.  Dinner was at a newly upscaled burger joint.  The service is good, the food is always good, the prices went up a bit when upscaled.  Mostly they treat us well.  Johnny B’s on Wealthy.  Try it sometime.







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After dinner we returned to 343 Atlas and changed in to costumes.  Then off to the Just Wicked party at the Marriott ballroom.  This is a party for about 500 people.  The costumes range from the usual guys who devote oh maybe fifteen seconds to their costume, to the women who made it a couple of hour preparation, to those who probably worked on theirs for months.  Our costumes were closer to a couple of hour end than the months.  Amy, Suzy, and I went as identical “Trolly Dolly”s.  That is the Brit description foe flight attendants.  We had a blast!dscn9561-2rt

We even got to meet donald trump!dscn9563-2rt

Saturday October 29th
Amy, Suzy, and I started out our day with lunch.  Suzy had the fem thing nailed.  I had to work at it.  It amazes me how she can just whip it out while I have to go through hours of prep.  And even though she spends 1/10 the time I do, she looks 10 time more realistic than I do!  Amy did a sightseeing tour of the east side of Grand Rapids and had lunch sorta with us.  Then we took Amy on a tour of the near west side of Grand Rapids and attempted to do the Zoo as a different style of photo shoot.  But since Amy needed such a in depth tour of GR, we arrived at the zoo at 3:30pm, free tickets in hand, only to find that they closed at 4:00pm.  So we went to Monroe Center and walked the street, ending up at the Amway Grand for photos.dscn9596-2
Then as usual, back to 343 Atlas, change in to dinner wear, dinner, then change for the highpoint of Halloween:





The Douglas Nightime Adult Halloween Paradedscn9635-2 dscn9636-2
Not a place for kiddies or prudes.  This is what makes America great.  People doing their thing, providing color (ie: spice) to other’s lives.  Imagine yourself enfemme, walking four blocks, as the center of attention for maybe two thousand people.  Working the crowd, posing, people asking you to pose, getting your picture taken, strutting, the center of attention.  A crossdresser’s paradise.  Now imagine it with the temperature at 32 degrees, windy, and you bum hanging out.  Well all of that but at 55 degrees and little wind.  That made this year’s parade all the better.  Last year I was FREEZING!  Well my feet, lower legs, lower thighs, arms, and chest were.  My head, torso, and upper thighs were warm(ish).  Upper highs when the breeze wasn’t much anyway.  The extremes!
This year because it was kinda warmish, I was moderately cold in all those places and moderately warm in the rest.
But OMG I worked the crowd and they really responded!  I had a BLAST!!!!


Monday October 31st
There isn’t a lot going on in Grand Rapids for dancing on a Monday.  But Billy’s Lounge on Wealthy was ready and able.
I started my day out in a tight fitting sheath dress with angled ruching.  White, gray, over black in a knit and form fitting.  Over that I wore a black short body long sleeve bolero with large sequins on the cuffs.  I had black Mary Janes with gray accents on the toes.  Sheik!  I liked it so much, it felt so good, that I wore it to dinner even though I had a second outfit.



For Billy’s I wore the same nurses costume again.  It is just so feminine and so cute and the little petticoat is soft and feels good.  Especially when it rubs on the bare leg between my panties and the garter belt suspended stockings!  OMG this is SO MUCH FUN!  Billy’s had a DJ palying a sound much like the din of a steel stamping plant.  Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka, Chachunka.  Occasionally the tempo changed.  Occasionally it went aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC, aknuhcahC to provide some startling originality.  And the attendees dutifully gyrated similar to what they would do if, say, something with a melody was playing.  But the droning has the advantage of continuing unabated for hours with a predictable beat.  And yes I did go out there and “dance”.  I didn’t care.  Bouncing and down, wiggling my butt, it was like an air pump fanning my butt and my exposed upper thighs.  I could feel every time the outside door opened to let people in or out.  Bliss.  I didn’t want it to end.  But you know how it is.  By midnight my desires crash in to my abilities.

We all went back to 343 Atlas and had a partial group shot.  Then everyone hugged and departed for our respective realities.  Sigh.


When I first started CDing it was just for fun.  It still is after four years.  But I can tell you, because I lost 40 pounds, got rid of excessive body hair, and now have a choice of genders, that I am VERY happy with my real life.  I am not a single gender by default.  I have a gender, my birth gender, which I choose and prefer, plus another gender I can “escape to” now and then for a bit of goofy fun.  Away from all the pain and hard times of my youth.  Away from the rigid restraints of our culture.  For a short time.  For fun.

My trans friends can’t do that.  They are escaping the untruth for the truth.  Theirs isn’t crossdressing.  Theirs is dressing appropriately.  I hold them in high esteem, they are the brave ones.

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