2016 02 26

This isn’t about what you think.

No it isn’t even about male – female.

It is about born with it and happy with it (cis) versus transitioning. There I said it. The bad thing. “Versus”

I started a Social and Support Group for anyone presenting as a gender not usually associated with their genetics. At the time there was no such group in the Grand Rapids area That I Could Find. Through the graces of The LGBT Network in Grand Rapids our Group was allowed the use of the facility. We can not express our gratitude enough. THANK YOU!

The Group went along for a few months and one thing became apparent. There were two conversation paths. The majority, when they could get a word in edgewise, wanted to discuss their need for presenting as women although they were born men. The minority, who tended to be the most vocal, wanted to discuss HRT, SRS, and all things trans. I didn’t make this up, BTW. But whenever one group would get the conversation the other would be waiting for their chance to wrestle the conversation back to their needs. Completely understandable. Imagine a gathering of motorcyclists and sports car owners. One person talking at a time please. First is a rousing discussion about how they have lived their entire life in shame but finally decided that driving a sports car is something they HAVE to do. And if it should be done dressed appropriately, even what is the appropriate dress, and while they are at it, might as well look good while doing it, shaved legs or tights. Then the motorcyclists get their turn and discuss their angst that their parents gave them A CAR! They just can’t even stand to be in that car! So they went out and got a motorcycle on their own. And then the conversation morphed over to which motorcycle was a true motorcycle. A motorcycle is supposed to be fast and nimble and the big heavy cruiser bikes are shameful because they are more for show than doing the real riding. Almost as heavy and lumbering as A CAR! And so the group split up. And it really should have. Lumping the bikers and the sports car lovers in to one Group would not work. Just because they wanted to enjoy winding their way along a country road, because they wanted to experience the performance, the wind in their hair, doesn’t make the conversation ToTaLlY c0mpAt!ble.

And then the State had to raise the license fee on “non essential luxury vehicles” clogging up the roads, wasting gas, in the way of the vast majority of the population. And besides it was increased revenue from a fractured minority.

So the motorcyclists and the sports car owners, and yes the power boaters and the sailors (even though they hardly ever use their engines, only until they get the sails up) found they had to ban together to get heard, to aid each other, to make the State realize that although the majority think that the car is the only way, that the other modes of transportation have their place in this wonderful diverse traffic jam. Whew! Because until those groups got together and woke up the general population, the State was even thinking that there was no need for red, pink, yellow, blue, green, orange, or white cars. To make things more uniform only silver and black cars were going to be allowed, and only in a design by some person who did the Smart Car. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Sorry. I dosed off there. Once the general population realized that driving was going to be VERY DULL, that they would have No Choice, they rallied around the MScPbS Network (MotorcyclesSportsCarsPowerBoatsandSailors Network) and everyone was saved from total uniformity. Children could again ponder what way they would travel through life instead of only Black or Gray, as the State supported choices”. The MScPbS was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, huge sums were donated to Billie’s election PAC from the car companies, those that were not choices as the State Car and therefore facing imminent insolvency, and Billie Anne Jean was crowned Miss Universe (of a not general universe anyway). The world was saved. Hey, this is my story!

And The Group really did split up. I started a Trans Group at The Network because I could see that one Group wasn’t serving the needs of the non binary attendees.  And fortunately some people stepped up, very capable facilitators, WAY better for their role than I, and ran the Trans Group from there. Applause please for them.  All I really did was plant the seed.

But there is another non binary thing to consider. Are we cis or trans? Is that a valid concept?  I mean the OR question.

I have about a hundred people on my email mailing list. Of that hundred something over 5% started with The Grand Illusions and after finding acceptance, were able to consider their gender in a welcoming environment, and realized that transitioning was their path. These five or six, BTW, are happily transitioning. Sure they have had problems at home, lives disrupted, jobs lost, financial uncertainty. But they know that there is a group of half siblings, second cousins, members of our Group, who welcomed them and totally accepted them. Even though they only shared some genes. It wasn’t required that they shared all genes. They are happy with themselves and their choice and their path and their future. Maybe it has something to do with the focus of The Grand Illusions. No Judgements. No pecking order. No expectations. Just acceptance, comfort as desired, and most importantly FUN! An escape from the world.

Of that hundred about 30% say they would transition if……..if……..if……..if…….IF.  Financial considerations. Family. Spouses. Public humiliation. Religion. Appearance. All valid. All holding them to where they might not be at peace with themselves.

Of that hundred just about all have been crossdressing since childhood. Maybe 5% started late in life. Maybe 5% do it for fun.

Of that hundred FOUR do it for the sexual thrill. FOUR. And unfortunately they exhibited their thrill in how they presented. Spandex, stripper wear, hems almost to their junk. Behaving in a manner to attract attention. These four didn’t last long. Usually one meeting. The longest was three or four meetings. Then we tell them that they are not a good fit.

The vast majority of the membership don’t want to be noticed. They want to be ignored, to blend in to the general population. Then their outward appearance and The Acceptance of it by the public, finally match how they feel inside. Even though they can’t or won’t go the “full Monty”. It is NOT about sex. They don’t get any sexual pleasure out of it. They get peace, VALIDATION, pardon for their sins out of it.

The vast majority HAVE to crossdress. If they don’t they get depressed. Some maybe once in a while is enough. They tell me their SOs know when it is time to bring out their other self. Some need it once a week. A few need it for a short time every day. Some of all of these groups would do it more if they could. But all HAVE TO, to be happy. To be themselves.  All but maybe me.  I am the jester.  I do it purely for fun, and because of The Group, I am able to help some people in a minor way.

Because we go OUT enfemme in the general public, we are the only obvious face of the LGBTQ population to many that we meet. We didn’t choose this. We are trying to disappear. They choose us. Perhaps because we are having fun. Perhaps we seem approachable. Perhaps it is just because we are OUT there. Or maybe because the best dressed gals in the place are over six feet tall and size 18.  Nearly every time I am OUT, someone stops me and tells me about their son, daughter, cousin, nephew, uncle, co-worker, neighbor, friend who is trans, gay, “non conforming”. I am an involuntary, default ambassatrix for the LGBTQ community, even if it is just in that person’s eyes. I provide information about the other Groups at The Network. I may even be helping someone I never met.

So do we conduct a test to see how far along the spectrum each person is?  Or do we accept that each has a place and, like the MScPbS people, there is a benefit in mutual support? That just because someone isn’t an ardent motorcyclist, that just because that person also owns a car (gasp) for the sake of their family, or a pickup truck (GASP) because they are a carpenter, just because they have something with four wheels and will keep it, that person still is some percentage like us and will offer aid should they spot us broke down on the side of the road. That person will give us a bit of space while in the pickup, not tailgating us when we are on our motorcycle. That person will stand by us should the State attempt to make owning a “non essential luxury vehicle” a financial crime, just because we share a tiny bit and are welcoming to each other.  A concept called mutually supportive.

Or do we prefer to focus on our percentages of how a sport bike is better than a cruiser motorcycle?

No pictures because this is serious.

But I am still having


You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:

Forget “passing”!

2016 02 16

Forget “passing”. VERY FEW CDers can “pass”. And even some of those who can “pass” really don’t because they do not present themselves well. Tight dresses made of spandex, WAY too short, with killer stilettos, maybe their bodies and legs are lithe but their presentation screams “not typical” and that is what does them in.

DSCN9345 (2)I prefer to not even use “pass” in my writings for our Group or my blog. We prefer to not have it be a part of our Group discussions. It may have an elitist connotation and the most desirable members are not elitist. Good conversational skills, pleasant personality, a sense of humor, these are the desirable traits of a member, just like a friend. We have a monthly IN meeting that makes it comfortable for everyone regardless of their presentation. For those who can “blend” we have a weekly OUTing. Blending is not a beauty contest. It is a safety issue. Think plumber in combat boots and a mumu walking through a mall and you get the idea about how that could be a safety concern. Now think a plumber in appropriate outfit, appropriate presentation, and how much less he is going to get noticed. Now think a CDer in a spandex stripper wear with stripper heels. A totally different safety issue.

DSCN9358 (2)I am the facilitator for The Grand Illusions Crossdresser Social and Support Group in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Our Group routinely takes newbees OUT enfemme for their first time. I always stress that they need to “blend”. This means appropriate hair (or wig), makeup, bling, outfit, stockings or legs, shoes, purse, poise, gait, voice (or whisper), and no visible body hair or beard. If they can walk through any of the local malls and be largely ignored by the general population, then they can “blend”. Very rarely are there gals who can go up to a salesperson and totally fool that salesperson. But does it matter? That salesperson is there to make a sale, they don’t want to offend you. Their store manager does not want to offend you either, losing a sale. Same for waitstaff. Transit that mall, heels clicking on the tile floor, or (sadly) the carpet sans the clicking, with the poise of a lady, the gait of a lady. Presenting as a lady. Those who pass will require a few seconds to make the connection, if your presentation is well done. As they get the first spark of doubt about what they just saw, having been distracted for, oh say four seconds, they become insecure. They develop an anxiety. Their hands shake. They begin to panic, missing their phone. So they forget you and move back to life’s essential device (LEDev), their phone. Their LEDev wins. You are blending.

DSCN9375 (2)We have many members who go OUT enfemme with the Group. Really only very few can “pass”. Most can blend in. One of the best is a six foot two, 300 pound fantastic person who blends so well that she disappears. Why? Because she has her presentation nailed! Others are barrel chested and they can blend because they have learned how to disguise it. Some have unshaven body hair and they can blend because they wear long sleeves and tights. It is all in the presentation. The details that make the image as a whole.

How to get over your OUT enfemme anxiety?

Do yourself up and practice at home if you must. Take critical appraisal of yourself in a full length mirror. As you are critiquing yourself, step out of yourself and pretend you are some guy walking past your fem self. Do this at five feet, ten feet and twenty feet. Do it in different lighting, day sunlight through artificial lighting of various levels. Practice your poise and gait too. When you are out as a guy, observe the ladies in a respectful manner, don’t stare. Observe their poise, gait, and presentation. Observe how they move when talking and what they sound like. Go home and practice. When you think that you may be brave enough, do yourself up and go to a safe place, perhaps a club that caters to people of an accepting nature thereby fostering a welcoming-to-all ambience. Do this a few times and you may work up the courage to go to a more general population place like a mall.

DSCN9403 (2)                          OR

Find a support group that does regularly go OUT enfemme as a group. One that is willing to take a newbee OUT for her first time. Experienced gals surrounding and supporting the newbee. A group like The Grand Illusions, as an example. Our website is You could also utilize one of the conventions like Las Vegas, Erie Gala, Southern Comfort or others. There is nothing like your first time OUT enfemme in the company of experienced gals.

DSCN6559We routinely take newbees OUT for their first time and typically we hear the long time desire, fear, nervousness prior and at the beginning. All replaced by JOY! and FUN! and NATURAL! and AGAIN!

I have been going OUT enfemme from within 24 hours of the very first time I ever crossdressed, only 40 months ago. Trucking down main street in full fem regalia. Dumb stupid luck maybe. Not enough time to build it up as insurmountable maybe. But I am SO GRATEFUL that I started right away. I have been OUT enfemme easily a hundred times. OMG!!!! I am STILL having……….


You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:

Why Crossdress?

2016 02 08



For me it is just FUN. And an escape from the alpha male role I was given at birth and trained for through adolescence. After multiple decades of that it got tiring.

And it is about the colors, the fabrics, the tailoring. The creativity of putting the outfits, the look, the makeup, together.

And about the change that I go through physically and mentally as I see myself morph from an alpha guy to a guy who looks like a woman, sort of, as best as I can. I become more relaxed, less aggressive.

DSCN9245 (2)And about how the weight of the forms causes my upper body to feel heavier as I move, how the forms add mass and change the movement. I prefer Pals forms for their ease of care, density like the real thing, and the sticky back which makes them sort of become part of me and attach. Yes I have WAY more expensive forms which I can glue on. But the Pals require almost no preparation and cleanup. And they are cheap. An I can feel them, their weight, how my center of gravity has moved a bit higher and forward.

And how the heels make me walk. The shoes have personalities like motorcycles. Different styles have a very different feel and make me move in different ways.

And how the temperatures are different. DSCN9230 (2)
In the winter, sitting on the far side of a club, I can tell every time that outside door opens because the cool air comes across my ankles. I like walking in a long coat in the winter. My whole body is warm, until a knee pokes out as I walk and feels the cool air. Then it is back in to the warmth and the other knee goes out. Or a short coat so my head and torso and arms are warm. Not so much my upper thighs. And around my knees to my ankles are cold as are the tops of my feet in my Mary Janes. The bottom half of my feet are less cold.
DSCN2444 (2)In the summer the fabrics become wispy. OMG the feel of a tulle or ORGANZA (orgasm via fabric) on a shaved leg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep in mind that the other six days I am in denim. And before I started CDing even that was isolated from my skin by hair. When I am enfemme in the summer I am ROASTING on my head, wig you know. My upper front chest and arms are OK, as they are exposed. My body is warm, shaper, corset, and padded panties that come to just below my forms. My thighs down to my feet ate cooler. Except my feet might be kinda warm if the pavement is hot and I am wearing sandals. Unless the sandals are platform. See shoes and their personalities. Higher platform sandals isolate the feet from the hot pavement more than sandals with no platform.

I love how the false eyelashes feel on my lids. A very tactile feedback that I am enfemme.

I love the handicap that the heels place on me. I have to be careful how I walk, what I walk on, and certainly my general safety because my mobility is severely decreased in the name of fashion.

I love the long nails. Everything is much more difficult. But OH HOW it makes my fingers look long!

And the adventure of going OUT in public as I break some “rules” and attempt to deceive the general public. I love walking through a busy place, heels clicking, skirt swishing, center of gravity changed, hair moving in the breeze, and no one pays any attention.

DSCN9242 (2)

I love how my beloved wife now asks me about fashion choices. It may seem silly but by that I get to be a part of the creation or assembly of the most glorious feminine art ever, HER.

And my body does not have hair in all the wrong places, I shave from neck down, and of course my face. No more beards on my body.

And I love how I am a MUCH happier guy I am (a late starter) because I can escape it once a week. No longer am I stuck being a guy as always. Ladies, think of it this way:
You are working in a lab and wearing a protection suit. Covered in gray from head to toe. It is Saturday, you have the day off. You get to doll your self up, curl your hair, gat all done up in beautiful colors and fabrics, and be beautiful. SO MUCH different from everyday. And you KNOW you are the best you can be. And off to a club for dancing where you don’t care who or what, you are going to just move with the music, feel sensuous, and leave to return to your (now happier) regular life.DSCN9314 (2)

Crossdressing gives me an escape from my guy self, through my “feminine self” and an escape back to my guy self.

You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at: