2015 10 20

By Billie

I have neighbors across the street that have no life at all. They are not malicious in any way, they are really nice people, but they have no life. So they observe (a nice way of saying it) everyone else’s comings and goings. And they have opinions about everything, most of which they haven’t even tried. For me to leave the house, I have to cover up my feminine appearance. I put on sweat pants or PJ bottoms over my skirt and stockinged legs, making sure that the leg hem is low enough to obscure my shoes. If my shoes are anything but black, then I have to wear men’s shoes and change enroute. Over the top I put on a hoodie with the hood up. I hate hoodies, I won’t buy the best Hard Rock sweatshirt on sale for 90% off if it is a hoodie, but I have an escape hoodie. Also I pre park my vehicle so it obscures me as I open the door to get in. At night I have the dome light shut off. I can walk out my back door and turn the corner to my driveway, walk between my car and the house, with the car door pre unlocked, open it quickly and get in. Then exit my driveway which goes directly towards the neighbor’s window, I make a quick turn down the street. I turn left so my profile is obscured by the right side of the car as I exit their view. The reverse applies coming home. They know everything everyone is doing. They tell everyone as if it is the only thing they have to talk about. If we are going on a vacation, the mailman, neighbors, even the contractor roofing the neighbor’s house on the next block will know. I am not kidding! When they find out about my crossdressing, pretty soon everyone will know, the whole neighborhood and more.

DSCN6901 (2)So what will I do when I am outed? I am at a point where I probably wouldn’t give a $#!^. I don’t cause anyone any problems. I probably look better when enfemme than most women my age, who are as sloppy as they can get away with. As I walk through The Big Indoor Mall, perhaps I add some class to the place.

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But I still will keep trying to maintain my secret because my wife would have a hard time with it, if the neighbors knew. Also I make an effort to expose my wife to my “hobby” as little as possible. We have a close marriage and I don’t want the man – woman relationship to be altered. Women are an odd lot. Everything seems to affect their happiness and desires. From something we said two years ago to (almost) the stock price of Brunswick. So maintaining that sexual spark has no better odds than watching out for icebergs on maiden voyages in 1912 – with the binoculars locked safely away. We all keep trying but the dangers are still there.

DSCN6919 (2)So I am VERY aware of the logistics of CDing.

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The enfemme thrills make it worth the trouble. The buying of the wardrobe and shoes. The pre dressing preparation shaving my whole body. Putting on the whole undergarment system, I never use the term “system” like women do when they don’t know what the system is made of, but the support undies and the panties, slips, corset, shaper, padded panties, are certainly a system. So much to transform. Then the panty hose, Sheer Energy, my favorite part, I love the feel. Next the makeup, eyelashes, jewelry, even a woman’s engagement and wedding band. Now the slip, blouse, and skirt. Finally the shoes and wig. Add a coat and purse, check myself over, and away I go. The preparation is a thrill as I see myself change from one me to the other me. I am transformed. I walk differently, obviously heels do that. But my whole demeanor changes. It takes me HOURS. And I enjoy the whole process.

DSCN6925 (2)So if you are in to crossdressing and haven’t gone out enfemme, find a support group and an experienced partner. Take it easy and go to a safe place with that partner. Have dinner in a place that is known for lunch. Or lunch in a place known for late night dining. Start out small and each time, expand your horizons. So far I have had no problems in Grand Rapids, Holland, Kalamazoo, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Seattle, LA, Chicago. But I regulate the time and place. I don’t go to a biker bar or a sports bar. I don’t go to a place which will be full of teenagers. I have been OUT enfemme maybe 150 times in the last three years. I have a great time!

DSCN6913 (2)Crossdressing need not be a crises for everyone involved. Sure some guys want to go the Full Monty and become women. But the vast majority of crossdressers that I encounter just want to have fun, like Cindy Lauper’s song Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.




You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:



A MAJOR MILESTONE   part A     2015/10/12

Three years ago September 30th was the first time I ever heard of crossdressing.  No kidding.  Until then I thought it was just guys joking around, comedy.  The Scottville Clown Band.  No idea at all.  Never looked in to it.  Never gave it a thought.

Three years ago October 11th was the first time I ever crossdressed.

Three years ago October 12th was the first time I ever went OUT enfemme.

It all happened only because………………………………………….

I was just looking for a photography studio to take some classy, tasteful, glamour photographs of my wife because she has really gotten herself in to shape. She needs to see herself as I see her. I stumbled upon an entirely different category of glamour photography for something I did not even know existed, crossdressing men! Some of the places that do it called it a “transformation”. I had never imagined this existed, it wasn’t even on my radar. But the funny thing is for some reason that seemed like something fun and exciting.

So I did some more searching and found that there are a LOT of places doing this “transformation” thing all over the world. I also found transformation places in Chicago, Milwaukee, Ohio, and even in Texas. The Texans are probably doing transformations from cowboy to cow girl but they probably use red holsters, pretty little .6 shooters, and a pink something.   (To the thousands of cow whatever readers: Please don’t send angry letters, I admit I might be wrong.) Not only are there a lot of transformation studios, there are also probably a hundred businesses throughout the US providing supplies to this “industry”. There are regular gatherings in larger cities and even nationally advertised conventions. I found support groups and places that host “Girls Night Out”. So there is a lot of stuff going on, all for guys dressed as women. Believe me that some of these guys, if they were women, would be HOT! But they are still guys. I had NO idea. I toyed with the idea of getting my picture taken. One thing was certain: If I was going to do anything it would have to be a secret from everyone but my wife and it would have to be somewhere else because there was nothing like this anywhere in Michigan. Also I would have a lot to lose if I was exposed because crossdressing could cost me my job, reputation, even my relationship with my family.

With those obstacles I just dropped it. I dropped the thought, only a little disappointed. Life went on as always, as usual, all gray, blue, black and brown in cotton and denim. Boring.

Until less than a month later and all but by accident………………………………

Now look at me!

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You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:




It isn’t always fun and games 2015 10 05

As usual some of our Group go clubbing after the monthly IN meeting. Last Friday, October 3rd was a typical foray into the world of the “normal” with two glaring exceptions. More on that later.

While at a club, two women talked to me for a half hour about everything LGBT.  As usual they had someone they were close to and were curious. Maybe asking a complete stranger seems safer? Maybe I somehow made them feel comfortable enough to approach me? Perhaps they understand the LGBT community a bit better now as a result of our conversation. Maybe they are a bit more comfortable too. People need to feel non threatened, need to be able to experiment with their reactions to us in a safe encounter, where they can test their limits, experiment. I try to draw them out with humor. Maybe we are helping people with our street theater.

rsz_1bv_01122I have received hugs from the band members, requests for us to return again from club managers, been in bazillion group photos, asked questions a LOT, hugs from the crowd – from gals and guys, praise for being myself, almost entirely positive responses.

I always ask the band to play “Dude looks like a lady” or “Lola” and tell them to have fun with us, that the crowd usually does because we vamp it up. This night was no exception. We usually get up on the stage, I was the first as usual to get up there to do our routine but this time the bands “manager” stopped me. So we did our thing in front of the stage on the dance floor. Vamping it up, OWNING it. Being silly. And FUN! Once the manager realized that the crowd was having fun WITH us, he pulled me up on the stage, the crowd were even helping. Then four of us were up there. Flashes going off, high fives, cheers, we did our “show”. When the song was over we received a cheer and applause. The crowd helped us down, no stairs. It isn’t easy in a pleather mini skirt and heels.

rsz_1bv_01148 The Group usually dances just like any other group of gals would. Without looking too closely, we would appear just as a bunch of better dressed plus size women having a good time. We do this mostly at general population venues each time we go OUT. Every time we have been well received by the crowd. Occasionally we get the look from the “guys in the flannel shirts” or some of the 55+ women. But mostly the younger gals and some of the younger guys just laugh with us and enjoy the silliness.


There must have been a religious conference in town that night. We had two other women, in two separate incidents in two different clubs interact with us negatively. One was rude and the other was downright uncivilized.  In the first it was just the middle finger, the second woman actually came over, way over, in to the midst of our Group – they were sitting off to the side in the club – and began her tirade.  I was dancing fifty feet away. As the Facilitator it is my position to be vigilant to insure everyone had a good time. I guess I am the lioness of the pride. I noticed there was something going on where the non dancing members were sitting, out of the way, in a quiet corner.  When I approached, Jacqueline got up and I sat down in her vacated seat, next to the woman.  I could see that Victoria, Jacqueline, and Kayla were upset.  I got the woman’s attention and she proceeded to attack me.  I put my finger in her face and told her that I was a US military veteran, that I had paid for her privilege to be doing what she was doing, and that she was leaving RIGHT NOW.  She wasn’t happy but she left us alone…..for a while.

I got a hug from a guy from the next table after this. And a woman at yet another table talked to me after this just to see if I was OK. Very sweet. And a hug from a woman while dancing. This happens a LOT. When I am OUT shopping, at restaurants, clubs, you name it, I get hugs. And I answer lots of questions. I guess it comes with the territory.

rsz_1rsz_bv_00752When we were dancing in front of the stage, miss “justified by faith” approached me again and restarted her tirade. Pity she does not associate her religion with civility, understanding, forgiveness, not judging, kindness, humility, loving one another. She had the look of hate. I revealed to her that if she was going to judge us, perhaps she could also look at herself and gave her three examples of transgressions which were damning and which she was HIGHLY likely to have been guilty of in our western culture. She somehow lost the wind in her sails and abandoned her futile pursuit.

rsz_dscn7208The first venue we went to a woman, another 55+, was rude to Amy and when we left that venue, she gave Amy the middle finger. Childish. We will NOT tolerate bad behavior, we will also NOT cause the venue any problems. If there is even one person who it seems will become a problem we can’t resolve, we will leave. I received a hug from a woman at the table next to miss finger, as we were leaving, thanking us and wishing we would stay longer. She was aghast when I told her why we were leaving.

I wonder if their religion has a “Get Out Of Jail Fee” card for rude and non Christian behavior? One day when they have to account for their deeds, perhaps they will have to answer some tough questions along the lines of “Judge not least ye be judged” and “He who is without sin cast the first stone”.


So the score for just that Friday is:

Favorable                            Definitely Positive                           Throw Outs

150                                                    6                                                          2

I can live with these odds.

rsz_dscn1718You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:

SUCH FUN! (Most of the time)