A Bride To Be 2015 09 17

A Bride To Be

2015 09 17

Our Group, The Grand Illusions Crossdresser Social and Support Group, had another bachelorette party. I was the bride to be complete with a veil, white dress, and a HUGE engagement ring. HUGE! Red shoes and jewelry completed my look as the less than perfectly pure bride to be.

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People seem to get a kick out of us as we vamp it up. Frequently the players will do “Lola” or “Dude Looks Like A Lady” at our request. We pantomime on the stage in accompaniment.

The women seem to just go nuts over us. Frequently there is no one dancing and when we arrive and hit the dance floor they all come out and dance with us.

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This time the picture taking went off the charts. I was probably in fifty people’s pictures. Each time I could, I got a picture too. There were groups of women, groups of guys, and mixed groups wanting me in their pictures. Some managed to get more of our Group in the picture also.

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Even a bachelor party wanted the groom to be in a picture with me.

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We started in the dueling piano bar and got things riled up there. Before we could get away the piano player gave me a hug, sweet.DSCN6827 (2)

Then on to the dance club, some of the women followed us down there.  I danced on the stage there to. The people were cheering me on. What a blast!

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Every time we are out, someone approaches me and asks a lot of questions about crossdressing, if I am gay, am I changing gender. Then they usually tell me about a son/daughter, aunt/uncle, sister/brother, cousin, friend, co-worker who is TS. On this day it happened once in the afternoon and another that night. I carry our Grand Illusions cards to hand out and Own Your Gender TS support group cards as well.

This was one of the most fun nights I have ever had crossdressing!

I am having…..


Visiting Nurse 2015 09 17

Visiting Nurse

2105 09 17

A member of our Group, The Grand Illusions Crossdresser Social and Support Group, has had long term physical challenges. Even though she has been dealing with something that would make me despondent, she continues to be of sharp mind, dry humor, and interesting to be around. An amazing person. But her situation took a serious turn for the worse. It has since “improved” to what would be intolerable for me. She is in a long term physical rehab facility. I decided to cheer her up.

What to wear?

I dressed up enjoying every minute of my preparations. I chuckled each time I added a piece. I love the petticoat slip and the bow topped white thigh highs. The short dress barely covered my legs as I walked to and from my car. The skirt twisting the opposite direction of my step.  It seems to have a mind of it’s own.

It was about a hundred mile drive to get there. I received compliments from the staff as I walked through the parking lot, and as my heels clicked on the tile floor, head held high, posture correct, stride ladylike. I walked up to my friend and said that I was there to bring cheer and surprise her. She said “Well you succeeded.” I went in this:

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So if you are a member of our Group, be careful to not get laid up, or you too will get a visit from Nurse Billie!

This Sounds Like A Plan, or not 2015 09 15

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN………but not anything I could foresee

2015 09 15

DSCN6798 (2) Shopping at CATO.
Cheryl and her team are GREAT!

By Billie

When I was born, my life was already mapped out. I would be mommy’s little cuddle bundle only for a short while. One day I would have to stop being soft and “be a man” even though I was maybe five. Tough it out. My dad seemed to think that hitting me and yelling at me to hit back would “make me a man” even though I was just seven years old. I remeber crying in fear and cowering knowing how brutal his beating could be.

DSCN6780 (2)  Waiting OUTside in the wind.

I was expected to stand up for myself to the class bully. “Don’t come home crying with a bloody nose. Here is how to fight back.” That as my father stands in front of me with his fists flying towards me. Quite intimidating for a third grader. But I learned to be tough and when I was in late junior high/early high school I realized that once I finished school, I would need that toughness to survive.

DSCN6789  In the sub shop.

When I was able to get out on my own I was able to be free! To have all the choices. To graduate in to the world of blue, black, gray, and occasionally in the summer, maybe tan. Of course all cotton and mostly from the tip of my toes to the collar around my neck. This happened to me early as I was basically on my own from fourteen years old. But I knew my life wouldn’t last long even though the home life hell was all but over.

DSCN6782 (2)  So windy my hat blew off.

In High School, while the girls were all worried about who they would marry, would they be asked to the next dance, or what socially limited career paths they were offered, I had to contend with the real prospect of dying in Vietnam. I knew from about eighth grade that I would be lucky to live long enough to see 21. What was the use of completing college if it might all end right after graduating? So I stopped half way through college, enlisted in the service, and got that out of the way. On discharge as “disabled”, I returned to college, much older than my classmates, and toughed it through to finish. Immediately after graduation I prostrated myself to get a “regular” job. I had survived to join the gray, blue, and black corps of men who every day go off to their jobs. Jobs they occasionally hate, to earn the wages and security necessary to be a good husband, father, and neighbor. Everything preplanned and according to custom. Blue, gray, black, and free of individual expression. Fit in and be the rock. With a boss who thought that taking any time for family or life was all but a notice that I was quitting.

DSCN6711 (2) A $13 blazer and a $4 skirt.  Lace!  Bliss!

Perhaps one day something hits a nerve, causes a spark. One day after all the obligations have been met, we look around and realize that in all our lives, we have never been pampered. Never had anyone fuss over us. We might even be unable to tolerate the attention. It might make us uncomfortable after all these years, even though we yearn for it.

DSCN6762 (2)  I love the full circle fit and flare dresses!

Or one day we get totally fed up with the variety in cotton and rayon neither of which for a man is a knit. Just coarse cloth, like denim or duck. Our inner self desires something with a little more expression.

DSCN6775 (2)  You can’t help but sparkle inside too!

Or maybe we just want to escape our shackles and be something grand. Maybe like the plow horse as he sees the thoroughbred trotting to the race course.

I experienced all of that. I found my antidote in crossdressing.

So what’s it like? What is the fascination?

DSCN6691 (2)  I am reading but not at this volume.

Unless you are a guy like me coming from the corps of guys, you can’t understand it. But if you are a woman who had a chance to get all totally glammed up for something like a prom, you might understand. If you have, and if you had a good time, then you have an idea what it is like for me. It is like each week I get the fun of preparing myself for a prom. But now imagine a girl that is a “tomboy” who never wears a dress and never gets glammed up. Imagine her fun and wonder at the process and change. That is what it is like for me each time I go OUT enfemme. For the girl that is a tomboy the sensations are not unfamiliar. For me as a guy they are sensuous and forbidden.

DSCN5616 (2)  The only CDer at The Bridesmaid ball.  A BLAST!

I find the fabrics to be soft and sensuous. The hair (wig) against my shoulders and neck is pleasurable. The undergarments make my shape and posture different, the corset controling my movements. The stockings feel silky against my legs. The false long fingernails have a limiting effect on what I can do but make my hands look so much different. And they make typing a whole different experience. Typing with the end of a fingernail instead of the pad on the end of my finger.

DSCN2760 (2)  These are the people who protect me.

The shoes make me walk completely differently. The old one foot in front of the other is unchanged but depending on the heel height, the height of the platform, if they have a strap to secure them to my feet, they do change how I can walk. Walking becomes something that fits the shoe.   Totally different from the standard man’s shoe. And different with each type of shoe. It is like women’s shoes have personalities. And their personalities affect me, especially if they are gorgeous but hurt.

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Giving respect gets respect and a sense of humor.  There were about ten cops there, all having fun and being nice.  Enjoying the silliness.  These are the people we expect to protect us.  We OWE them respect for that.  Start out with respect.  I have always had it returned.

Don’t even get me started on pantyhose.   Or stockings. Don’t get me started. Girly girls seem to hate them but panty hose feel GOOD. Silky thigh high stockings feel even better. But I have to stop because stockings for a crossdresser are a subject worthy of their own story.

You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:



A comment by a reader 2015 09 15

2015 09 15

I received this PM from a reader.  It is heavily edited to protect the identity and privacy of the sender.

“Hi Billie, Like Your Blog”

“Hi Billie. We have never met, but I found your profile page after reading one of your posts I followed in the forum. Your profile photo looks really nice, by the way, and then I went to your blog. I was just going to read a few lines and then go back to the forum – but then I read to the end of the latest post. Then I read another. Then another. Then another. For about the last 45 minutes!”

“I am …………(edited for privacy of the correspondent)………………………………………………………….. But when I read your blog I realized that much of what I feel is expressed sooo well in your posts there. Thank you for the time you must have taken to say things with such clarity. After I share what I plan to share, I am hoping she will consent to read your blog.”

“And thank you for posting the nice, graceful wholesome photos of yourself. That will be helpful.”

“I have ……………………(edited for privacy of the correspondent)……………………………………………….. one day.”

“Anyway, I did send you a Friend Request, and hope that we can meet at some point. But I wanted to take the time to tell you I came by your profile, and really appreciate your careful, thoughtful, posts and blog. I will follow it more as time goes on, and hope the things you said might be helpful to my wife to help her understand how I feel about things.”

“Thank you for your time.

“Hugs, (Name withheld)”

This is what keeps me going.  Maybe I can help someone.  Maybe I can help a SO.





2015 09 09

It’s kind of like a birthday.  So I am celebrating by posting a lot of pictures.

DSCN6559Who is that mysterious lady in the bright colors?  Just look at the guys next to her!  They look like the colors on the back side of a warehouse.  No wonder she is having the most fun!

This month I will reach a milestone of when I accidentally discovered crossdressing three years ago.  I was looking for a place for my beloved SO to get glamour photos of her, so she could see herself like I see her (romantic music in the background).  I found a place, the glamour photos were fabulous, great poses, wardrobe, makeup.  Just what she needed.  And there were videos of the shoots in progress.  I clicked on a video, IT WAS GUYS!!!!  I had stumbled on something called “transformation”.  And It Looked Like FUN!!!  Before that I never gave it so much as a thought, or if I did it was just the Taylor Perry method.  I really actually never considered it.

DSCN6536Shopping in pink! From hat to shoes!  In a fabric store!  How feminine!

And next month I will have reached another milestone.  It will be three years since I ever dressed for the first time.

DSCN6576 (2)Shopping in yellow! All color coordinated!  If I was a guy I would be in colors that make me disappear.

Add a day to that and the third milestone is when I went OUT enfemme for the first time.  Less than 12 hours from when I dressed the first ever time.  I went walking down the main street, through crowds of people, to a club and dancing till they closed.  Fully enfemme and nervous as hell.  Since then I founded The Grand Rapids Grand Illusions CDer Social and Support Group, wrote for Frock, wrote for The Network News, started a blog, learned to do a website, and have interacted with many everyday people when OUT, people with questions about their nephew, or, brother now sister, husband, friend.  It has been a time of great discovery for me.

DSCN6367 (2)Some say I have long legs? Maybe it’s the lace dress?  Or the camera?  I just HAVE to feel good looking like this!

Most importantly my SO understands that I am still her guy, she comes before all, that the guy she married is still in here, I will NEVER break her heart, I am doing all the things for her that I did before, and she is happy.  And the last is so very essential for MY happiness.  It took a couple of years for her to listen to me.  For her to forget the alarmist information and pay attention to al the signs I was giving, what I was telling her.  Once she did she realized that “it is just like the old days”.

DSCN6463Lunch in a wispy organza dress, a summer hat, and sandals.  So luxurious!  Sensuous! So feminine!

I feel blessed.

DSCN6242 (2)At a piano bar.  In pink!  From head to toe!  I LOVE these shoes!  I feel FAB!

Crossdressing need not be a crises for everyone involved. Sure some guys want to go the Full Monty and become women. But the vast majority of crossdressers that I encounter just want to have fun, like Cindy Lauper’s song Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. A SO can choose to have some fun with it or not.  Without real dialogue but with an emotional hurricane he will shut down and nothing will be accomplished, except driving him to any escape he can find.  Crossdressing for some is an escape from the pressures of being “the guy”.  So instead of driving him where you don’t want him to go, try keeping the emotions and irrational thoughts in check, just listen and ask.  He may be “just a crossdresser”.  Most guys who do this are “just crossdressers”.

DSCN6049At a little deli with the crowd passing by.  In a pinstripe suit, color coordinated jewelry, hat, purse, and shoes.  The suit is tiny blue pinstripes.  I am SO happy!

BTW I get most of my wardrobe from Goodwill.  This can be done on a budget.

You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at: