I am just a Crossdresser. I do it purely for fun. I see a lot of anguish in those who have more “skin in the game” than I do. I am fortunate to be able to help if just by providing, through our Group “The Grand Illusions” a safer means of presenting themselves as female for those whom this is not “just fun”. And at times compassion, understanding, a hug, just listening, I can help one on one.  I might be a poor imitation of a woman, I might be taking just the best parts of the TS, but my heart isn’t a poor imitation and I know how easy I have it compared to the real TS.

I also see some debris from a life of undeserved shame, guilt, rejection, secrecy for those who have been cross dressing for most of their lives. I feel a guilty pleasure that I avoided all of that. I do this just for fun. So with a joyous heart I can, through our Group, provide a safer means of presenting themselves for those who paid a much higher price than I.

Yet even though I do this just for fun, I too have experienced some rejection, loss, and verbal abuse for merely expressing myself. Not anywhere near those who have lived nearly a lifetime of turmoil.  But I have had enough pain to allow me to understand.

It is a pity that every man isn’t required to experience what life is like for females and the TS community. Part of it for the “just fun” and part of it for the sobering realizations.

I feel so fortunate that I am “just a Crossdresser”. And a blog to communicate through.

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When I am OUT n about people approach me and ask me questions.  The first is “Do you do this all the time?.”  My answer is usually like this: “No, I do this for fun, maybe once a week.  But there are people who do this because they have a need to do this.  The X – Y chromosome thing isn’t as well defined as some would believe.  After all, we know through our observations things are rarely black or white.  Only the digital world is binary.”  Then they ask if I am gay.  I tell them that this is not about sex or sexual orientation.  It is about dressing like we feel.  Next they ask if I am married and if so does my wife know, to which I answer:  “Yes and she knows, that I keep no secrets from her, that she is the center of my universe, and I would quit immediately rather than lose her.  But some are unable to reveal themselves for fear of rejection from family, religious persecution at their church, job loss, divorce, and peer pressure.  They must live in fear of discovery.”  The next question usually is would I like to be a woman.  I tell them that although I am content being a guy and experiencing the world like my poor imitation of a woman, others have a real need to get the inside to match the outside.  The may tell me of a friend, grandchild, a child, a relative, or someone they know who seems “feminine for a boy” and rarely “masculine for a girl”.  Rarely because most of the time that is just thought of as a “tom boy” but for a boy it is more obvious as “too girlish”.  This is my chance to help someone I will never meet.  I try to convey the non binary concept, that these people are just being themselves, that they are not a threat, that they just want to be allowed to live life with the cards dealt to them.  That they are valuable members of society just asking to be allowed to find their happiness.  How can we deny that?


I feel so lucky.

Crossdressing need not be a crises for everyone involved. Sure some guys want to go the Full Monty and become women. But the vast majority of crossdressers that I encounter just want to have fun, like Cindy Lauper’s song Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:



HOW I WASH A WIG (or two)


Every CDer needs to wash a wig now and then.  It is like wearing a stocking cap in the summer.  And mine get makeup on them.  So I wash them frequently.  And I don’t have any trouble brushing them out.  I have (had?) a secret……..

First thing is get yourself some cheap shampoo.  Since I wash my wigs regularly, more in summer, less in winter, I don’t need industrial strength cleaners.  The soap you use should have no coloring because you will be using it for other things besides washing wigs.  More on that later.  I like the “Mane and Tail” end of the spectrum although mine came from a home improvement store and isn’t even as good as M&T.  My SO got it for almost free but as we all know ultimately the more expensive the shampoo, the better it works on her hair.  And since her hair is glorious, I love to see her happy, and caring for a real head of hair requires some effort, I defer to her judgement.


I prefer to wash my wigs in the bathroom sink.  So first I clean the sink.  Could this be a reason my SO tolerates Billie?  You could use a big bowl but the rinsing is easier in a sink.  Since the goal of this project is a clean wig, might as well do it in a clean sink.

Close the sink drain.  Come on, this is a step by step and some are more literal than others.

Put about a half gallon of body temperature water and a teaspoon of shampoo in the sink.  Mix it up.  More shampoo should not be needed.

Put the wig in the water and gently push it to the bottom.  Then lift it out and repeat.  Do this until you think the wig has been washed enough.  If the water is very dirty or you just want to be sure, drain the sink and repeat the washing.  Swirling it around creates more tangles, so just squish it down and lift it up, repeat.


Once the washing is done, hold the wig above the sink and drain the sink.  Leaving the drain open, hold the wig up under the faucet and run water about body temperature to soak the wig in the stream.  Hold the wig up so the water hits the wig and falls in to the sink.  Move the wig around flush water through the whole wig.  Then squeeze the water out of the wig.  Squeeze does NOT mean wring, twist, torture.  Just squeeze.  Then repeat until the water runs clear and without bubbles.  Squeeze the water out.  You do not need to get the wig dry.  You can leave some water in the wig.  Relax, the only thing that matters is you have rinsed the soap and contaminants out.  If the water runs with color either you have a REALLY budget wig or you didn’t wash enough.

Hold the wig above the sink and with the water still running rinse the sink out.  Close the drain and add about a half quart to the sink.  Add a tablespoon of cheap conditioner to the water.  I use Suave “Naturals” “Everlasting Sunshine” because I need all the radiance I can get.  That and it was cheap.  Place the wig in the conditioner/water and squish it down a few times.  I prefer to squish down and lift.  Repeating.  I like the sound.

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The next step is my secret, was anyway.  Do not rinse the conditioner out, leave it in.  Put the wig in a mesh wash bag and toss it in the washer on SPIN.  I have to turn it on and set it for “GO” too for those who are literal.  I do NOT do rinse and spin.  I do NOT set it so it agitate, you know, the thingy in the middle going back and forth.  Actually for those obsessively literal, I have a front load so the spin cycle is in a drum with the axis horizontal.  After the 11 minute spin (time not critical) the wig is ready for brushing.

You have to take the wig out of the washer and the wash bag to accomplish the next step.  Comb the wig with a wig brush.  I prefer the steel bristle ones that are narrow and have a pointy end for a handle.  Start at the bottom and comb the tangles out both outside and in.  Start at 1” from the bottom and go all the way around the ends both inside and out.  Then 2” up and 3” up.  For those more independent, feel free to start at 1 1/4” and work your way up.  Hopefully you will notice that the wig combs out very easily.  The conditioner left in makes it easier.  When the combing gets less easy, maybe it is time to wash and condition again.

Place the wig on one of those foam heads.  Not your dog, kid, SO, or yours.  One that reminds me of the current crop of politicians, the foam ones.  It will dry very quickly but if you are in a hurry, then start the day before or just use a fan, not a hair dryer.

So there ya go!  Easy isn’t it?!??

The other use for the shampoo?  Hand washing clothes.  Shampoo is made to get the oils and other stuff out of the hair and scalp.  Therefore it works great on makeup that got on your clothes.  Maybe not eyeliner and lipstick but certainly foundation and powders.  I wash my hand washables just like I do my wigs.  Everyone should have wash bags.

You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at:



Ambasatrix?  Tress?


Every time I go OUT enfemme someone asks me about crossdressing, or at least starts out with that. And since I usually go to general population places, that means it is someone from the general population.   Like in the mall. I was wearing this outfit and REALLY, as good as I looked, how did they guess?

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I regularly get stopped by someone and politely questioned. If they appear uncomfortable, I do a feminine smile and nod, you know the look, where the head turns to the side, the chin goes slightly down, and the shoulder goes slightly up, while smiling. Maybe I will raise one foot/heel up at the same time. Sometimes this look gives them their cue to ask. The questions usually start out with if I do this all the time. After a few more the probing runs through gender change questions and eventually ends up somewhere in the gay questions. Or it starts out about crossdressing, runs through the gay part, and THEN ends up in the gender change questions. Usually people are curious, probing but polite. The women are all but exclusively the ones asking and interacting. Mostly any guys who may be with these women are staring at the ceiling, just like typical male/female couples “interacting” with other females. The guys are there when they would rather be somewhere else, for the duration of the conversation anyway. Occasionally a guy joins in and I take this opportunity to make sure he has a good time with the conversation. I want everyone to have a good time as these information sessions occur.


The women know how much work it is to look “good”. Perhaps it is one accomplished artist appreciating an amateur’s work. Kind of like one drywall finisher (taper and mudder) appreciating another’s ability to cover up the gaps and cracks underneath. If you put enough compound on it, even a crooked wall becomes smooth. It IS a lot of work.


Very frequently they will tell me of a child, a neighbor, a nephew, a granddaughter, that is nonconforming. Perhaps it is easier to talk to a stranger about things we can’t talk about with our closest relatives or friends. Maybe they are testing out their ability or willingness to discuss these things, using me as a first venture in to the unknown. They reveal their feelings about a gay child or friend, or a person they know who “may have always been a bit feminine (or masculine) for a guy (or a girl)”.

The other day we were again at The BOB……….


in the piano bar, and rallying the sitters to unstick their butts from their chairs. Whenever we go in to the piano bar, the people are all but fastened to their chairs. We go out on that tiny dance floor and start dancing. If the people just stay stuck, I will wave them up, encourage them to join us. I don’t do it obnoxiously, just tiny polite feminine like gestures that it is OK to have fun with us. Women always respond favorably, not all women, but enough. Once in a while a guy will join the women and we CDers. The first ones that come up are usually the younger women. But it is not uncommon for women in their 50s to be up there with us. The women are always beaming with glee. They are content to dance next to us but frequently they take our hands and dance with us. I can’t recall an older guy ever joining in. Rarely, we get stares of derision, and by now we can just about pick out which ones will be doing the glaring. Always in the smallest minority. I just smile demurely, little smiles, short glances as I pass my eyes around the crowd keeping aware that we are INCREASING everyone’s enjoyment not decreasing it. We DO owe the venue that. It is just a matter of respect and if we help their patrons have more fun that night, then we and the venue are successful.

I always try to draw the crowd in to our street theatre. Slightly exaggerated movements.

One time, wearing a ball gown for Drab to Fab

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we ended up at The Bob piano bar. We were dancing and a lovely couple were sitting about twelve feet away. She was attempting to sneak photos with her cell phone. I went over to her and said “Sweetie, it is OK if you want to take pictures of me.” She positively beamed asking if her mman could be in a picture with me. I said sure so he and I went on the dance floor and attempted to pose. He tried to dip me but was unsuccessful. So wearing a big lime green satin strapless ball gown, tiara, and silver glitter peep toe platform pumps, I scooped him up. All 180 pounds and six foot. I held him in my arms like a baby, he was draped over my arms. AND HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER! And she was too! And snapping away takinh lots of pictures. So sweet. We ended with hugs. Me the white crossdresser and they the perfectly beautiful African American couple.

Just a small place in the gap that we bridged.

So IF somehow I am a default ambassador for part of the community, all of the community, some of the community, the choice is not mine. If someone chooses to engage me in a conversation, it is my duty to behave in a manner appropriate to the importance of The Network’s mission to improve the lives of everyone. And therefore I will answer their questions appropriately, make every effort to demystify the LGBT population, and be a good ambassador. I do NOT consider myself special in any way. I am just there and willing.

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I do feel SO blessed to experience more of the world than if I did not crossdress.

You can email me at

The Grand Illusions website is at: