Where Are The Crossdressers If There Are So Many? Part eye of a ramble

Part Eye of a ramble.


In the West Michigan where I live, there are hundreds of guys who are cross dressing in varying states of involvement, based on the numbers that show up in searches of just two websites dedicated to their interests.

So why don’t you see them everywhere?

The majority of crossdressers never go out, they are “closeted” for various reasons. Fear of discovery, fear of losing employment, inability to blend in, no desire to go OUT, not yet at that point on their journey, SOs not allowing it, children at home, all reasons most of the MtoF crossdressers chose or can’t go out.

The glow is from my inner joy!
The glow is from my inner joy!

I made the MtoF distinction because females at birth can wear “menswear” any time they choose. Google “men’s wear for women”. Plenty of variety. It is mainstream. Women have a hard time being a crossdresser because they can wear anything from girly girl to an extreme “tomboy”. They have been able to dress as “tomboys” for the last fifty years.

Not so for guys. Google “womenswear for men”. Not at all like “menswear for women”. And when we do dress as a woman. we have to deal with homophobic males. Females dressed like guys can go in to the women’s toilets and have no fear. A guy dressed as a woman will experience scorn, verbal rebuke, snide remarks, and even assault in a men’s toilet. Actually we can be subject to all of those just about anywhere except inside a gay bar, and maybe there too. We go out dressed like women and have to be very careful of where we go and what we do. But we are still out there. So why don’t you see us?

You do, you just don’t notice us.

The better job we do making ourselves look like women, the less likely we are going to get noticed. As I walk through the mall, just about everyone sees me as a woman. I walk like a woman, am dressed head to toe in a conservative and coordinated outfit, my posture is like a woman, I avoid eye contact and staring directly at people. Much as females do. People passing by have maybe ten seconds to look at me, usually half of that. There just isn’t time to make that determination. So they see what I want them to see and I pass by, blending in to the crowd. So it is as simple as that. We have honed our act to a point that we can blend in and go largely unnoticed. Crossdressers have been doing this forever.

So if by chance you notice one of us, think about this.  To have some fun, maybe let off some steam, escape for a while, or express ourselves, we are not killing Bambi.  We are not driving drunk.  We are not surfing the net looking at and therefore encouraging porn.  We are not coming on to some woman in a club.  We are just dressing up like a woman.  Think of it as guy equivalent of a woman dressing up to escape as a tomboy.

This is SUCH FUN!

Visit The Grand Illusions Website at:

Next up:  A homophobe at work gets (almost) whacked with my purse.

ARE WE FEW OR MANY? Part G of a ramble

Part H of a ramble.



In the West Michigan where I live, there are hundreds of guys who are cross dressing in varying states of involvement. This is based on the numbers that show up in searches of just two websites dedicated to their interests. There are many more websites besides those. By taking just two, in my very crude survey, I cut down the numbers on purpose. There are few studies on crossdressing males. Probably will remain that way until we cease to be the last group in society that is fair game for ridicule, jokes, comedy routines, and sitcoms. What few studies there are have numbers that span quite a range. I have seen 15% of the male population to as little as a few, maybe three, percent of the population. So let’s take just 2%. There are 1,005,648 people in the greater Grand Rapids metropolitan area. Figure 1 of 2 are male, around 500,000. Figure of that 50% male only ¼ are old enough or 125,000. Two percent of 125,000 is 2500. WOW! But of those 2500 the vast majority are very part time and definitely closeted. But there are a bunch of us just looking for an opportunity to get OUT enfemme and The Grand Illusions is a good way to do this. And after all, it IS just harmless fun. And we DO appreciate it much more when our SOs get dolled up. I have become a better man as a result. I do understand women’s issues a bit better.

Some of these crossdressing guys, realistic or not, closeted or not, are in happy relationships. Some are not. Most are in the closet, very few are “out”. Most do not have or have not discovered a support group. Even here in West Michigan, as much as I am OUT enfemme, handing out cards, answering questions, even with Facebook, Twitter, the CDer Forums, our website, and my blog, we still run across gals who do not know that The Grand Illusions is meeting regularly.

By the data shown on one national association, the largest percentage of gender dress choice men are straight. Some of these men are making good choices. Some are making bad choices. Some have managed to keep happy relationships with their SOs. Sadly that is not the case for all. Personally I would do anything for my SO. I still do all the chivalrous things I did when we were dating, hold her hand, walk between her and the curb, open doors, help her with her coat, protect, enable, carry her packages, take out the trash, stand aside and let her have the spotlight when it is her turn, hug her, kiss her, praise her, admire her, take her on a date every week, dance with her. All the stuff that she loves and that therefore I love. Crossdressing need not be a problem for a relationship.

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Next: OK if there are so many, why don’t we see them?

AM I LESS OF A MAN? Part G of a series

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Part G of a ramble.

For me, crossdressing is not always a part of the male me, unlike some longer term “dressers”. I started late in life not having a clue that this crossdressing thing even existed. For me it is more like I am a guy with extras. Think of me as 100% guy with an extra percentage of woman. I get to be the guy, doing the guy things like cuss, spit, torch cut steel, weld, wire up something, break something, get all dirty, fart, wear a shirt that is fayed at the collar but comfortable, go without a shirt when it is HOT outside, comfortable shoes, tear something apart and put it back together, not ask for directions. AND I also get to pamper myself, get dolled up, feel the softness, and go out! In bright colors. With color coordination from the ribbon on my hat to the toes of my pumps. Even the purse! Guys who have never done this, really done it, will never understand the sensuousness of dressing and going OUT enfemme. Women may understand how we CDers feel if they can remember way back when they went to their first formal dance, their first pair of heels, maybe their first stockings, getting “all done up’ for the first time. For me it is that same “first time” sensuousness every time. But for me there is the ever-present risk and fear of exposure, the danger of homophobic rebuke. I have no protection and no social change protecting me. I also do not have any support network. That is why The Grand Illusions is such a blessing. Safety in numbers. Others who understand. Experienced gals helping the newbees. Conversation. Confidence enabling. All good reasons to join a Group. It does not happen often, I have not yet ever been in danger. But I am always vigilant, careful where I go, always ready. Just like a woman has to be.



But on an aside:
OMG I have been finding GREAT bargains on skirt suits and dresses for spring, all at resale shops. Almost all my wardrobe came from resale shops, except my shoes which were almost entirely new and on sale. The problem is if the suit fits my shoulders and upper torso, the skirt of the same size is way too big at the waist. And everything is WAY too long. Solution? Learn to sew. So I have been working like a woman driven by fashion necessity to take in skirts, shorten hems, and even take in dresses. My wardrobe took a great boost from this!

Now back to writing the next blog post…………………..

A LOT TO LOSE? Part F of a ramble


Continuing the ramble Part F

In your neighborhood there is one guy who chooses a wider variation of clothes. He is a cross dresser, he wears “women’s clothes”. He can’t be found out for fear of ridicule, but he persists. He may just put on some undies and lounge around the house when alone. He may even morph from a plumber’s look to a gorgeous woman, perfectly put together and indistinguishable from his chosen female persona. Maybe he goes out in public, walking and talking and being, outwardly, a woman. Both of those guys, the casual solitary dresser and the full works female dresser share one common concern, both have a lot to lose if they are found out, “outed”. Maybe their wives don’t know, almost certainly their neighbors don’t know, you can bet their employer’s don’t know. They could lose their families, jobs, livelihoods, social status. That is similar to what a functioning alcoholic might fear. That is what any crossdresser “in the closet” may fear. That is what gays used to fear in some parts of the world and still fear in most.


I am a cross dresser. I am a good citizen, neighbor, veteran, employee, husband, father, and friend. I have a lot to lose if I am found out. Mostly my loss would be the snickering of those qualified to render their judgments. My wife may suffer, my children may not see me as they thought they knew their father. I could have problems at church, at work, and with male friends. I have already paid a price for what I do even though I am a veteran, taxpayer, voter, good citizen, protector of those less able. Judge me on my positive contributions to society. And if the only negative to you is that I crossdress, then I accept that.

Crossdressing need not be a crises for everyone involved. Sure some guys want to go the Full Monty and become women. But the vast majority of crossdressers that I encounter just want to have fun, like Cindy Lauper’s song Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

You can email me at Crossdressers-wmi@hotmail.com

The Grand Illusions website is at: http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

SUCH FUN! BillieAnneJean